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[Breaking Through The Barricades]

My turn for a song... sung to the tune of Spandau Ballet's "Through The Barricades".

If you want to sing along, just open up this link and substitute my lyrics for the ones on screen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_-dJoYmXf4&feature=fvw


Breaking Through The Barricades


When I was a little child of nine,
I found a magazine, that made me feel so fine,
Full of thrills with not one weak,
And a Space Spinner - lost within a week

And now I know
What they were saying
With "Ro Jaws & Hammerstein"
I'm on cloud nine every Wednesday
It's 2000AD time


More than maths or history,
It was 2000AD, that set my young mind free,
I'd read it on the way to school,
And write on textboooks that "2000AD ROOLZ!"

And though I know,
Quite sincerely,
It'll never get me laid,
Im like Savage on a Sherman,
Driving through a barricade,


Thirty three years down the line,
I still get my thrills, on paper and online,
I dream of Dredd I'm asleep,
And wake up the wife, by shouting out "Freeze creep!"

Now I know, what she's saying,
When she talks about a divorce,
But she can't hold it against me,
Cos she likes Inspector Morse,


Through my life it's always been there,
There's a place inside my heart, filled again and again,
When I see Tharg The Mighty's face, I'm taken to a beautiful place,
Filled with thrills and spills and chills, Oh I hope I never escape,

D.R, Quinch and Robo Hunter,
A.B.C Warriors, Shako and Ace Trucking Co,
Kingdom, Skizz and Mean Machine,
You'll always be with me, and I'll never let you go,

Yeah we all know, that the future,
is a bright and beautiful place,
Except for wars and muties,
And of course Old Stoney Face,

And I know, It's a bargain,
For two pounds (in Earth money),
My life would be a wasteland,
... Without 2000 AD

Love the Gruffalo rip off/homage Dr X! 

I wish Bryan Talbot could do an elpisodic "Grandville" story for the prog or Meg. It would fit in perfectly and hopefully persuade prople to buy the excellent graphic novel.

Loving the current mutant judges and hoping this is dealt with in more depth, possible spinoff even?

Um.. see my story in the competition thread for an attempt at this!

[BlockBlaster!]

I think this one's better.

BlockBlaster!

Sniveller was happy. As far as he was concerned, Mitch & the Muteros were the best band in the spugging world. 'Kick A Norm' was loud, obnoxious and had been proven to induce brain damage, but he didn't care.

Jughead Johnson very much did care. Living next door to Sniveller wasn't his idea of a new beginning. The new township was okay, certainly better than he'd had before going to the Meg in the first place, but he had a feeling he'd not be so welcome if he ripped Sniveller's snecking arms off. What he needed was a plan...

Judge Deputy Dawg sighed. His nose twitched, and as usual it smelled trouble. Disturbances were slowly going down in the township, enough that Dredd trusted them to keep the peace by themselves whilst he was on patrol, but where there were people, there would be disagreements. He crossed his arms and looked hard at the complainants. 'Well?' he asked.

'It's him, Dawgy," said Sniveller, his nose dripping as per usual. 'Snuck in to my hab and stole my blockblaster right from unna my nose, he did.'

'Huh,' snorted Jughead. 'Anythin under your nose would be so soaked it wouldn't work anyway.'

'Shut it!' barked Dawg, literally. 'What's your side, Jughead?'

'It's my blockblaster." insisted Jughead with an air of wounded pride. 'Brought it with me from the Meg, and ol snotnose there stole it from me so's he could play all that Mitch & the Muteros garbage.'

'You take that back!' said Sniveller angrily. 'They's the best band ever!' He made a move towards Jughead, but Dawg stepped in smartly between them, a low growl coming from deep inside him.

'Enough! Both of you, just step apart and let me think on this.'

The two men stood apart, sneaking furtive glances at each other as Dawg pondered. Shame the Mega City boys wouldn't let him and his boys have Birdies, or this would be a cinch. Sure,  he could take it to a real Judge when one came around, but he would look pretty stupid for bothering them with such a trifling matter. Dawg didn't want to look stupid, he wanted to be a Good Boy. Then, inspiration struck.

'You boys wait in your habs,' he instructed. 'I'll be back in a while.' With that, he picked up the blockblaster and left.


An hour later, he returned and shouted for them to come out. When they saw the two halves of the blockblaster on the floor in front of hi their reactions were mixed. Sniveller looked shocked, whilst Jughead didn't look to worried at all, which told Dawg a lot about the original complaint. Oh well, too late now. Unsurprisingly, they didn't want their halves, so he took them with him.

Back at Judge HQ Dawg relaxed to a little light music, amazed that they'd both thought the broken blockblaster was real, not something he'd just knocked up for show. Heh heh, he thought... case closed, Good Dawg.

Bill Savage is hiding something... 

Great idea - how about "America"?

[Breakin' The Law]

Had to be first... bonus points for any of you who can explain the Guru's odd choice of name!



Breakin' The Law

Good evening, vidders, and welcome to this live broadcast all the way from Doris Stokes block in Sector 19. I'm Darwell Snoogans, and you join me as Guru Totpa is making a rare public appearance.

You may remember that the Guru Totpa emerged a scant few months ago, wanting nothing but to help his fellow Cit. If you have a problem, if no one else can handle it, then this is the guy to go to. Known for his short but meaningful solutions, he claims to have no memory of his previous life, and with that flowing beard no one had come forward to say they recognise him either. Let's listen in to see what he has to say...

'Hello, Guru Totpa. My name is Veena Marbles. I have a crisis of faith, you see. I don't think I believe in Grud any more. Please, help me.'

And here comes the response, vidders.

'Don't Stop Believing'

And what a belter! Miss Marbles is crying with joy, no doubt ready once more to give her life to Grud. What a heartwarming moment. Wait - here's another Cit.

'Hello, Guru Totpa. My name is Lance Vance. Gee, I'm kinda embarrassed, y'know?'

'Let It Be'

'Okay. Well, my blockmates all want me to do juve stuff, and all that, but my olds want me to be a good cit. What should I do?

'Go Your Own Way'

And that's another ten pointer, viewers. Guru Totpa is on top form today. As usual, all his answers are song titles from the late 20th century, but regardless of this he seems to get it right every time. Although he doesn't ask for any payment, donations for his charitable mission have poured in since he appeared at the Will Wheaton Shopperama and started giving advice. There must be ten thousand Cits here today, and the judges are in force in case any of them try to grab the guru.

Oh my! One of the Judges is approaching Guru Totpa, perhaps he wants advice! It's... yes, it's Judge Dredd himself, probably going to congratulate the guru on his good work. Let's have a listen...

'Hello Guru Totpa. My name is Judge Dredd, and I've been doing some digging. My problem is that you appear to be Norville Svenson, a wanted con artist, a man whose secret bank account has been swelling with so called donations from these mugs. On top of that, you're looking at multiple counts of illegal music slug possession in the shape of something called Now That's What I Call Music 1 - 80.  You're coming with me, to face the music.'

Sweet Jovus! Judge Dredd has cuffed the guru, and is taking him from the arena! Let's see if we can get a final quote from the great man. Guru Totpa! Have you any last words for your devotees?

'I Fought The Law (& The Law Won)'

Judge Dredd? A final comment from yourself?

'I Am The Law'

Dounreay has slept on it and come up with a great idea. I'll get the new thread set up and posted this afternoon...

Ahem...

It's just the use of the word "Beat", as they were a beat combo.

Ooohhh... so close. Love it that my piss take beat its inspiration!

Looking forward to yet more mucking about.

33 sneckin' years - you'd think I would have learned by now!

It's just always been there, and mostly been good.

If you have John Wagners email, I'd love his opinion on the Scottish one, Colin. Should be balanced with the original Mary Shelley one so he knows what the frak is going on.

Yeah - vote! A bit of a poor show from the voters so far.

Oddly, I enjoyed this weeks Dante more than any for ages. The fighting has finished and all that's left is neat one liners and emotion.

Zombo is getting a bit boring though.