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I'm subscribed to it, and still enjoying it. But I'm missing Rex Royd.

That said, the one-off this month was pretty good. Hope we see more of those!

Torquemada's speech at the end of the world - in the story where Nemesis teams with the ABC Warriors - is some of the greatest writing in comics ever. He is simultaneously deeply pathetic and remarkably terrifying - a pretty impressive combination to pull off!

Because I've enjoyed this theme so much, here's one last entry!

The Smush! Pile

A man with orange skin was handcuffed to a radiator when Mongrol entered the office.
   
The literary agent peered out from behind a towering pile of manuscripts. 'Mr Mongrol,' he said. 'Please, take a seat.'
   
The robot did so.
   
'I've been looking at the manuscript you sent in,' the agent told him. 'Very interesting. Is all of it true?'
   
'That's right.'
   
'Well, that's just fascinating. Even this 'Blackblood' character?'
   
'Unfortunately, yes.'
   
'He sounds quite the card. A real love to hate character. With his back-stabbing ways, he'd be perfect for reality TV.'
   
At that point, the man with orange skin chipped in.
   
'Codpiece!' he cried. Monkey goblets! Vajizzle!'
   
'Is he all right?' Mongrol asked.
   
'Oh, him?' The agent looked over. 'Yes, he's fine. That's just something he has to do.'
   
'I see,' Mongrol replied. Then brought things back on-topic, saying, 'so, would you be interested in representing my autobiography?'
   
'Well, I wish I could,' the agent said, tone suddenly apologetic. 'But I'm not sure it has that extra spark that will sell it to the majority of the public.' He opened Mongrol's manuscript at random, read a passage. 'I mean, yes, you've travelled to the edge of time, fought dinosaurs and aliens – but have you ever met someone who's been on The X Factor?'
   
'Well, no,' Mongrol said. 'I'm not even sure what that is. But . . .'
   
'That's what they want, the mainstream public, you know,' the agent continued. 'This friend of yours, Deadlock, it's fascinating that he can do magic – but has he ever ate kangaroo anus just to get on TV?'
   
'Corpulent!' the orange man shouted. 'Giant gravy cobblers!'
   
'I mean, take Joey there,' the agent said, indicating the man. 'We poke him with a cattle prod once an hour, and he spews out meaningless phrases and nonsensical words.' The agent smiled. 'And one of those words will become his catchphrase.'
   
He looked back to Mongrol.
   
'Do you have a catchphrase?' he asked.
   
'I used to,' the robot said, reaching a huge metal hand across the table. 'Let me run it by you . . .'



In the resultant rampage, the orange man's head was torn off, and seventy thousand ghost-written 'celebrity' autobiographies were destroyed.
   
The final police report decided that nothing of value had been lost.

Good to see this one inspired so many people!

Here's another!

Ever Had A Scream Come True?

Dredd was cuffing a perp called Henry when it happened.
   
His body started to fade from the scene.
   
'Stay where you are,' Dredd warned Henry. 'I'll be back for you!'
   
Then he was gone.



Dredd disappearing halfway through an arrest was not an unusual occurrence. Normally he was summoned to distant universes to fight omnipotent gods, or taken to an alien arena. Whatever the reason this time, though, Henry just thanked Grud and ran off.
   
But then a shadow stepped before him.
   
And said, 'you should come with me.'



Meanwhile, Dredd appeared in a nightmare.
   
Six media personalities were strapped to chairs, metal helmets attached to their heads. The helmets were linked to a big computer, and when the personalities saw Dredd they began to scream.
   
'It's him!' said a guy who had scored a hit song two decades ago.
   
'Oh no!' said a woman whose body was ninety six per cent plastic.
   
And a voice behind Dredd said, 'why-aye, Judge! Welcome to the show!'



Henry entered a packed building in which some kind of meeting was taking place.
   
The man who had brought him said, 'my name is Barnes. Welcome.'



Dredd turned.
   
Before him, Rant and Wreck, two charmless robots programmed to speak in a rare Mega-City dialect in lieu of possessing actual personalities, spoke into a camera.
   
One of them – it was hard to tell which – said, 'in this latest edition of hit reality torture show Ever Had A Scream Come True, we have hooked up six famous – sort of – contestants to a machine than simulates their worst fear.'
   
The other one added, 'they'll face their fear, and you guys at home can vote for whichever one is traumatised in the most entertaining way!'
   
Drawing his Lawgiver, Dredd said, 'think again, creeps.'



'What is this place?' Henry asked. 'Who are all these people?'
   
'They're people like you,' Barnes said. 'Like us. They've all escaped when Dredd disappeared whilst arresting them.'
   
'You made a club for that?'
   
'This is Mega-City One,' Barnes said. 'What else are we going to do?'



Rant – maybe – said, 'why-aye, like, is he supposed to talk to us, like?'

'Don't worry,' the other one reassured him. 'He's not real. The contestants are just imagining him.'

'You mean we tapped into their worst fears, and all of them are most scared of Dredd?'

'Judge Dredd,' the lawman stressed, coming up behind them. 'Let me show you what they're scared of.'



Explaining it later, Tek-Department and PSI-Division would say the contestants fear was so great, it sucked the real Dredd into their show.
   
For now, though, Dredd crashed back to reality. Covered in robot remnants with six sort-of personalities handcuffed behind him, under arrest for conspiracy to kidnap a Judge.
   
Seeing his return, Henry groaned.
   
'I told you not to move,' Dredd said.
   
But as he began to make arrests, he vanished once again.
   
Henry looked at Dredd's six newest prisoners.
   
'Welcome to the club,' he said to one of them. 'Don't I know you from somewhere?'
   

Already thinking this is going to be a tough one to pick a favourite from . . .

Here's an effort from me!

The Mega-City Mannequin Massacre


'Hello, Justice Department? I want to report a crime.'
   
'Go ahead, citizen. What's the nature of this crime?'
   
'Um, it's my daughter.'
   
'What about your daughter?'
   
'She's just had her hear broken – by one of those horrible mannequin boys!'
   
Oh Grud, the Control Judge thought, rolling her eyes. Not another one.



Devoid of all personality and any opinions that could prove contentious, they were the perfect Mega-City stars – five lifeless mannequins that stood on a stage in designer clothes whilst music written by other people played behind them. The group was the brainchild of one Bert Scumbag – a pioneering entertainment figure once behind such hit pirate shows as Sing Well Or The Kleggs Eat You, until the Judges caught up with him. But now he was a free man, and he was making a fortune from his band.
   
None of which Judge Rico knew as he rode up to the hotel in which the entrepreneur was staying.
   
'Did you call in the assault?' Rico asked, dismounting his Lawmaster.
   
'That's right,' Scumbag said.
   
Then he pointed.
   
Rico turned.
   
Saw a demolished mannequin, men and women of various ages tearing at it, eyes crazed with lust.
   
'I want them all arrested!' Scumbag cried. 'Harry's my most popular mannequin! He's already had seven biographies written about him!'
   
Well, Rico thought, it was certainly unorthodox. But from the manic looks on their faces, it seemed the mannequin fans were definitely guilty of something.
   
Weighing in with his daystick, Rico decided he'd arrest them all.
   
Let the local Sector House figure out the offences.



A few days later, Scumbag called Control, asked for him personally.
   
Rico rode to the address given.
   
And saw a woman pointing a gun at the five mannequins.
   
'He got me pregnant,' she said, pointing the weapon at a repaired Harry. 'And now he won't return my calls!'
   
Rico disarmed the very clearly un-pregnant woman and called the Kook-Cubes.
   
They had designated a special wing for mannequin fans.



'Brit-Cit wants to loan them,' Scumbag said. 'For The Continental Song Challenge. They think this is the best chance they have of winning.'
   
From what Rico knew of Brit-Cit history, he figured they probably had a point.
   
Still, he was less than thrilled when Scumbag requested he provide security. Even less so when the Chief Judge decided that, for propaganda reasons, Scumbag's request would be granted.
   
Now he looked out as the craft landed.
   
Saw a hundred banners welcoming the mannequins.
   
'Look at that, Judge,' Scumbag said proudly. 'Mega-City One's most popular export in years.'
   
Not a good sign, Rico thought, for the city he represented.



The mannequins won by a landslide.
   
But Scumbag's happiness was fading.
   
Rico was called to an altercation at the mogul's house.
   
Found five mannequins in tatters.
   
Saw Scumbag bearing a knife.
   
'I had to do it,' he said, tears coursing down his face. 'They were planning to leave me for another manager!'
   
Rico readied his handcuffs.
   
Hoping they had room for another loon in that special wing.

I'll do my best to think up a theme that should get people scribbling 

I'm rather excited about Ennis's imminent return to the world of "Crossed" :-)

Anyone else read the first issue of "Red Team," too? That's a pretty promising introduction.

1: Alvin & The Street Punks - Eamon 1961
2: Democracy Now - Emp
3: Dreddful Performance - Mogzilla
HM: bbgunn

Some great stuff this month!

How can a person resist such a great challenge?

My humble effort below!

Old Scars

He stepped out of the craft and into a city that had seen more than a few changes since the last time he'd been here.
   
But he supposed he had changed, too.
   
Thinking this, his hand drifted to the mechanical mess that was his face.
   
But everything, he knew, would be okay soon.
   
He just needed to find a gun.



Some of the old dealers were still about, and one of them sold him what he needed.
   
It had been a while since he had held a gun.
   
Twenty long, dark years in fact.



His brother was drinking hard when he entered the apartment.
   
His Judge's uniform was a soiled disgrace. In more ways than one. Still, he raised his hand in greeting and said:
   
'Hello, Rico.'
   
'Joe.'
   
'Been twenty years already, has it?'
   
It had. All that time away from the city he had loved, the city he had protected. Until . . .
   
'You framed me, Joe,' Rico said.
   
'I had to,' Joe replied. 'How else could I be the best?'
   
Rico motioned around the foul-smelling apartment. 'You call this being the best?'
   
'I couldn't handle the guilt,' Joe said, 'of knowing what I'd done to you. I wanted to resign, wanted to come clean, but the Department wouldn't let me – they couldn't have both of Fargo's clones being screw-ups.'
   
Rico made no reply to that.
   
Though the words still hurt.
   
Joe staggered to his feet, reeking of cheap booze, face beneath the visor unshaven and scruffy.
   
'I'd tell you it's good to see you,' he said. His eyes fell to the gun in Rico's hand. 'But I'm guessing that's not why you're here.'
   
His hand moved an inch closer to his Lawgiver.

'No,' Rico said. The air growing tense around them, the moment of truth beckoning.
   
Their eyes met. Joe's unseen but still intense.
   
'Know what I missed most?' Rico said, finger tightening slightly on the trigger.
   
'The thrill of Judging?' Joe suggested. 'All that power and prestige I took away from you?'
   
'No,' Rico told him. 'The city.'
   
Then he raised his gun.



A trail of blood followed him along the hallway and out of the building.
   
Joe may have been drunk, but he'd had a lot more practice with a weapon these past two decades, and he had fired before his clone-brother. Perhaps out of his enormous guilt, though, he had only shot to wound, not to kill.
   
Rico fell out into the place he loved, his own gun still in his hand. He knew he wouldn't let the Judges take him. Not again. But that would come later. For now he looked out at the city, and as he bled onto the street he felt at last at home.

Did anyone else almost convulse with laughter at Rudy's "impression" of Alex last night?

What did everybody think of last night's episode?

I thought the main storyline was a bit padded and disappointing - but the set-up for next week was great, and the exhanges between Rudy and Finn at the start were great. I think I prefer their double act even more than the one that Nathan and Simon used to share. Still loving the new cast!

[spoiler]rabbit used for test experiments gets hit by lightning and starts performing experiments on humans. Hence the numbers in the foreheads, and the besuited rabbit.[/spoiler]

That right there is genius. Probably right, too.

I am enjoying this series - it's Misfits for crissakes! - but something's definately missing. I think it's the current lack of any sort of ongoing mystery or... well, anything resembling a plot. Something to drive things forward. Series 1 had the realisation and development of their powers and the ongoing fallout from the sudden 'dissapearance' of their social worker - plus the great running gag of what Nathan's power might be. Series 2's got the introduction of Superhoodie and Seth; Series 3 takes those further, developing the Kelly/Seth and Simon/Alisha relationships, culminating in that beautiful final episode.

By comparsion Series 4's feeling awfully aimless, even though the general quality's the same. I'll stick with it and hope things improve when the new cast is fully assembled.

I get what you're saying about there not being a vast ongoing arc this series so far, but it seems instead that there have been a few smaller ones going on already - the thing about Finn's "dog" was built up quite nicely in episode one and then drove episode two, and Alex the barman has been lurking around for a few episodes, and again the issue of Finn's parentage was mentioned and then returned to a few episodes later. So it seems like we're getting lots of small stories instead of one big one - and I have to say I'm enjoying this new approach just as much.

Did anyone else notice the subtle stuff about [which Rimmer is currently on the crew? The nods back to the end of Series Eight that seem to suggest he is the second, previously alive Rimmer?]  Loved all of that!

Any love for last night's episode?

Best one they've ever done, for me - acting and writing and direction all completely flawless. Smashed my expectations, which were already pretty high, considering how good last week's trailer was. 'm starting to think this cast line-up is going to become considered the definitive one. That's how good it was.

Having said that - does anyone else find it depressing that when such a good show was on, everybody is actually talking about and dwelling on the annual assault on our culture that was over on ITV at the same time?

That's an amazing achievement. This remains a fantastic time to be a 2000ad fan.