Messages

In no particular order:

. Kittens
. McCoys crisps
. Videogames
. Films
. Television
. Writing
. My iPod
. The girlfriend

Mmm, UKIP do like to fudge facts, but don't all the parties really?

[PAGE 1]

Okay, I'm keeping vague on the details because the very premise is an early joke in the piece, but I'll see if I can elaborate on things by showing a censored segment of the script.


PAGE 1

1.   Long horizontal panel. We see a dark cityscape peppered with lights. It looks oppressively moody. We're seeing the city from an angle facing towards the docks, meaning we see a slight sliver of murky water reflecting the strong moonlight.

CAPTION (MAN, UPPER LEFT):  HAVE YOU EVER SEEN VIOLENCE THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO TEAR OUT YOUR EYEBALLS WITH RUSTY SPOONS?

CAPTION (MAN, LOWER RIGHT): I HAVE.

2.   Long horizontal panel. We're getting closer now, lower down. We see the shipyard more clearly now, but everything remains vague, dark shapes on the horizon.

CAPTION (MAN, UPPER LEFT): HAVE YOU EVER FOUGHT WITH THE SCUM OF THE EARTH? THE VERY WORST THAT HUMANITY HAS TO OFFER?

CAPTION (MAN, LOWER RIGHT): I HAVE.

3.   Medium horizontal panel. Closer still, we now see a small figure standing at the water's edge. The figure is at the centre of the panel.

CAPTION (MAN, UPPER LEFT): HAVE YOU COMMITTED ACTS OF HORROR FOR THE GREATER GOOD THAT WOULD DESTROY A LESSER MAN?

CAPTION (MAN, LOWER RIGHT): I HAVE.

4.   Medium horizontal panel. Still getting closer, the figure is taking more shape, but it's features are darkened and obscured.

CAPTION (MAN, UPPER LEFT): HAVE YOU EVER SACRIFICED EVERYTHING FOR THE SAKE OF REVENGE?

CAPTION (MAN, LOWER RIGHT): I DIDN'T THINK SO. BUT I HAVE.

5.   Close horizontal panel. The figure is revealed as MAN. He is staring out ahead, eyes piercing straight forwards, a look of melancholy on his face. He appears beaten and bruised, covered in grime and dried blood.

CAPTION (MAN, UPPER LEFT):  WHY AM I ASKING YOU ALL THIS?

CAPTION (MAN, LOWER RIGHT): BECAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE ONE THING CLEAR. DON'T FUCK WITH ME.


PAGE 2

1.   Close horizontal panel. We see a man in his 20s with a shaved head staring straight ahead, head lowered with a pissed off look in his eye. The panel is extremely close, obscuring most of his face.

CAPTION (UPPER LEFT): FOUR DAYS EARLIER.

CAPTION (MAN, LOWER RIGHT): THIS IS A STORY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE FUCK WITH ME.

THUG: OI, YER.

Additional info:

. The setting could be described by contemporary, but isn't held down by any strict 'look' of an age.
. The violence is exaggerated to all levels of extremes.
. No clever deconstruction here, straight piss-take all the way.

Roll up, roll up ladies and gentlemen...

Now, I'm sure some of you noticed that I was searching for an artist to bring a little pet project to life to share with all you lovely people, a gesture of goodwill for putting up with me for so long.

Long story short, I contacted our very own Ryan Thomason and spaceghost because they showed interest and I eventually pitched my idea to the both of them. Surprisingly, they both accepted, which left me with a dilemma.

Two artists, but one idea.

Of course, if this little series ran on, multiple artists would be required to keep the workload spread out and to cover for someone if they're busy, but I'm not willing to assume that before I've even revealed what I'm going to do.

Anyway, I've decided to take some fantastic sketches our lads have provided me with and show them off to you lot to see which you all prefer.

Please note, this is not a popularity contest or 'who has the better art', because a.) we're beyond that popularity rubbish, and b.) art is subjective anyway, and both of our potential candidates have provided lovely examples of their talent.

So, which do you think fits the look of a dark satire on brutal and violent Garth Ennis style comics?


Style A - Ryan Thomason's heavily stylised grim storybook artwork.


Style B - spaceghost's 'Mad Max' inspired designs.

[that. fucking. smile.]

Cameron was all over the bloody place tonight, used buzzwords and scaremongering as a crutch like nobody's business.

Clegg was middling for a bit but shot off a couple swift bitchslaps to both the Tories and Labour, I'm quite sure his consistently good performance over the three debates will be reflected in the polls tomorrow.

Brown actually held his own tonight, despite battling to get over Bigotgate, and he almost had me thinking seriously about Labour for once during his closing statement until he did that. fucking. smile. I swear I shit a little.

The warmth of paper fresh out the printer.

Oh fuck, here we go. All my mates think I'm autistic because I'm a little... odd sometimes.

(one test later)

40. Oh god. They were right.

Lots and lots of words.

What the LibDems are offering for your particular interests;

. The Freedom bill, which will return quite a few civil liberties that have been stripped from us under Labour and will most likely remain that way under the Tories. (Has been backed by Clegg since 2006)

. Electoral reform, which will take us out of this mockery we call democracy into a system that actually makes votes count. (The LibDems have been pushing this for a while, only for Labour and the Tories to smack it right back down)

. Mass elimination of bureaucrats throughout the public services, coupled with decentralising power from Whitehall.

. Taking a more central role in the EU instead of being a whiney little loner middleman for America.

. Having a special relationship with the US that doesn't have us fellating them constantly and getting smacked around like a whore.

I'm not trying to change your political views or anything, but I'm just putting a few points out there you might find interesting. Oh, and in the event Clegg does get in and he backpedals on these promises, just watch as the shit hits the fan.

We're in a situation where if we don't stop the Tories and Labour from tossing the reins to this country to each other, we'll continue to be this stunted little shell of a nation. We may not know how a LibDem government will work in practice, but it has to be a lot fucking better than the shambles the other two have made of the job.

As for the Euro, well, I'm skeptical, but fuck it, got to take the bad with the good, eh?

Naaaaaah. That'd cause numerous continuity problems down the line that may cause fanboys (and girls) across the land to eat their own faces.

I think his appeal rests in the notion that he isn't entirely dependent on PR. He's gotten himself into trouble a couple times because of how frank he is sometimes, especially when Ming Campbell's leadership of the LibDems was in doubt.

It's all about keeping people watching the Beeb isn't it? Wasn't that their reasoning behind the horrid end credit squeezes?

Been blazing through the hardback of Morrison's Batman & Robin.

Fackin' lahhhhvely.

Brilliant episode! Moffat really knows how to write scary, interesting, and inventive scripts.

That may be because Clegg is actually a human being instead of being an alien from planet politics.

Oh shitballs! Epic levels of typo there.

What I meant to say was that I loved calling the door a cunt after I caught my hip on it.