Horrible jokes

[Dudley]

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug



What do you call a man without a spade in his head?

Douglas

[Funt Solo]

Or...

What do you call a man with 20 rabbits up his bum?
- Warren

What do you call a man with no legs and no arms that can swim the Atlantic?
- Clever Dick

[Mike Carroll]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

[Richmond Clements]

What's got one ear, one eye and eight legs?



Two chairs and half a horses head.

[Funt Solo]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
- No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
- Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitalia?
- Still no f*cking idea.

Which brings me to...

What do call the useless bit of skin on the end of penis?
- a man

[ming]

My two Star Wars jokes:

Luke is having terrible trouble eating his dinner, so he asks wise Obi-Wan. "Ben, Ben, I'm having terrible trouble eating my dinner - it's the peas, the keep rolling off my knife"

"Use the fork, Luke".

and

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in mortal combat, lightsabres clashing, all the sound effects.  They look very evenly matched.  Suddenly, Darth Vader (heavy breathing) tries to throw Luke's concentration: "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Skywalker" (more heavy breathing)...

"For I have felt your presents"

[Dan Kelly]

In the same vein...

Whats pink, wrinkly and hangs out your undies?
- Your Granny doing the laundry.

Ah thank yew.

Dan

[Wils]

What big, pink and hard?


A pig with a flick-knife.

[Pyroxian]

What's brown and knocks on upstairs windows?

A poo on stilts

   Steve

[Tanky]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

[Bhuna]

Why do dogs lick their dicks???

Because they can!

[Tweak72]

why did Nivea cream?

because Max Factor

[Tanky]

Why did the pervert cross the road?

'Cos his willy woz stuck in the chicken!

[Noisybast]

"why did Nivea cream?
because Max Factor"

The version I heard was "Why did Elizabeth Arden?"

[Max Kon]

They both work