Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
 

Author Topic: How did Death actually escape....?  (Read 4146 times)

Thread Zero

  • Member
  • Evil Cyborg
  • ****
  • Posts: 2374
    • View Profile
Re: How did Death actually escape....
« Reply #15 on: 12 May, 2002, 08:40:46 PM »
If you can't see why colloquialisms make dialogue flow more naturally, then you've no business calling yourself a writer.

Jim,

I didn't know judges speak in colloquialisms? News to me. In my script the judges speak as if they are judges.

No doubt you'd prefer:

Hershey
Hey Joe, how's it hanging?

Dredd
It's hanging cool Hershey.

Hershey
Those low crime stats. Pretty bad eh?

Dredd:
Yeah, rad baby. Some meathead is gonna do heavy time Babs.

Hershey:
Way to go Joe.

And so on and on...

scojo


Jim_Campbell

  • 2000AD Creator
  • CALL-ME-KENNETH!
  • *****
  • Posts: 13450
  • Letterer to the Stars! (and PJ)
    • View Profile
    • deviantArt Gallery
Re: How did Death actually escape....
« Reply #16 on: 12 May, 2002, 11:23:50 PM »
> I didn't know judges speak in colloquialisms?

And now we see Scojo line of defense No 3 (1 being "you don't  understand it", 2 being "other stuff accepted is worse than mine"), which is to be deliberately obtuse.

Once again, if you can't tell the difference between basic colloquial speech patterns and mode-of-yoof-speech-of-the-day you're a moron.

If you can't see the difference between Dredd saying "You're busted, creep!" and "You are under arrest, miscreant!" (rhetorical illustration, not actual quotation) then there's no hope for you.

Jesus Christ, stop playing the martyr and _listen_ to what people are saying to you.

A little more attention to character and cadence in your dialogue would go a long way towards salvaging much of what you've presented.

But, nooooo ... people just don't understand.

Pffffff.

Jim
Stupidly Busy Letterer: Samples. | Blog
Less-Awesome-Artist: Scribbles.

Oddboy

  • Member
  • CALL-ME-KENNETH!
  • *****
  • Posts: 10125
    • View Profile
Re: How did Death actually escape....
« Reply #17 on: 13 May, 2002, 03:29:21 PM »
Scojo,
You do sound very petty.
I haven't read your script yet (other than page one) but I hope to get round to it when I have the time.
That's if you don't put me off the whole idea with your silly squabbling.

Do consider the CD script idea - it IS a far more realistic aim.
Better set your phaser to stun.

Tiplodocus

  • Member
  • Bionic Fingers
  • *****
  • Posts: 7708
    • View Profile
Re: How did Death actually escape....
« Reply #18 on: 13 May, 2002, 07:32:31 PM »
I would imagine that by the end of a decent Dredd film, the audience would already have figured out that Dredd IS THE LAW and adding a voiceover to make this point again seems superfluous.
Be excellent to each other. And party on!

Tiplodocus

  • Member
  • Bionic Fingers
  • *****
  • Posts: 7708
    • View Profile
Re: How did Death actually escape....
« Reply #19 on: 13 May, 2002, 07:38:11 PM »
I think quite a few of the professional writers who you have chosen to ignore understand what subtext is.  

My personal view is that it is stuff that isn't contained in the words - having somebody say something in a sarcastic tone of voice isn't subtext, it's, well, sarcasm.

May I point you once more at Oscar Winning screenwriter William Goldman's book "Adventures in the screen trade" where he points out the scene in World According To Garp where Garp meets his future wife and runs up and down steps to impress her (subtext - Sex).

Or my own personal favourite from Robocop where Officer Lewis helps a battered Robocop learn to shoot straight again by holding his gun and helping him aim at Baby Food (subtext - sex).

Your rants are stopping people reading your work.  Your refusal to accept criticism - even given David Bishop's polite example of how to do so - is harming you more than your "witty" replies harm them.  

Be excellent to each other. And party on!

Thread Zero

  • Member
  • Evil Cyborg
  • ****
  • Posts: 2374
    • View Profile
Re: How did Death actually escape....
« Reply #20 on: 13 May, 2002, 08:06:39 PM »
Well if you do read my script, there is subtext in the crime swoop scene.

Dredd asks Leech if he likes sugar. He knows he is a sugar criminal but is trying to taunt him to say or reveal something.

BALTHAZAR LEECH
You’ll find nothing incriminating here Dredd.

DREDD
Perhaps. (beat) You live well citizen.

BALTHAZAR LEECH
Advantages of being in business. I recommend it.

DREDD
And how is business these days? Still in import and export?

BALTHAZAR LEECH
If you’re referring to my kneepad empire “Need Kneepads”, which I might add is the largest retailer of comfortable kneepad wear both here and abroad...then yes.

DREDD
Why, what did you think I meant?

Uncomfortable silence.

DREDD (CONT’D)
You like sugar?

BALTHAZAR LEECH
Can’t stand the stuff. What I  mean is I don’t consume the synthetic kind.

DREDD
I don’t like it either. Bad for your health so I’m told. (he goes close up to Leech) Very bad.

See Dredd knows what Leech is, and Leech knows what Dredd is trying to do.

But I won't rant on any more.
Sorry.

scojo

Tiplodocus

  • Member
  • Bionic Fingers
  • *****
  • Posts: 7708
    • View Profile
Re: How did Death actually escape....
« Reply #21 on: 13 May, 2002, 10:37:22 PM »
Nope. Not proper sub-text.  The stuff you claim as subtext is all in the words and the way the actor would deliver them.  

A better subtext might have been Dredd searching the apartment in minute detail even to the extent of examining the perp's Us.  Subtext - he gave him an intimate body search and gets right into the perp's life - nothing can be hidden.  There wouldn't be any nonsense dialogue saying "You can't hide things from me!".


But at least I can see what people mean about your Dredd dialogue now ("these days", "so I'm told") - thanks you've saved me reading the script to check.

When you are in a hole, you should stop digging.

Be excellent to each other. And party on!

Thread Zero

  • Member
  • Evil Cyborg
  • ****
  • Posts: 2374
    • View Profile
Re: How did Death actually escape....
« Reply #22 on: 13 May, 2002, 11:23:20 PM »
Hmm, not to sure about your subtext example. Most odd.

When you are in hole, you should stop digging.

Hmm, some grave diggers may disagree but still...:)

scojo