Attempts at the sample scripts

[Batdan4ever]

I like it Mark. I especially like the passer by in panel 2, something really charming about his shape and design. And Panel 1 really captures the busy street scene.

Well done, hope to see more
Dan

[allistermac]

Hi Sparkonaut,

I know you were interested in hearing about replies from Tharg about submissions. I sent my submission in at the beginning of July and heard back a few weeks ago.

I'm not up to standard yet but I got some good advice. I need to continue to work on my figure drawing which is too stiff and to layer my inks more, so background detail doesn't overload the panel.

I'm happy he didn't tell me to give up and stick to my day job! As with most creative endeavours it takes a bit of talent and a lot of hard work to get up to standard. I'm going to keep up the practice and with a bit of determination and a lot of drawing I hope to make it one day.

The competitions on this site run by CrazyFoxMachine have been good fun and any excuse to draw is welcomed, I'd recommend the other aspiring artists on here to have a go. Link to this months here: http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,37131.0.html

[Karl Stephan]

Thanks, Allistermac. That's good feedback and I think we'll all benefit from it.

[Steven Austin]

Hi All,

I am new to the forums and just wrote a lengthy introduction along with my sample pages for the PF script over on the welcome board - probably should have done it here as this is the submissions thread. That in mind here are my submission pages without the lengthy intro.

I shouldhowever point out that I have included some addtionla panels plus have combined - I think - one of the panels.

The obvious ones are an extra panel on page one actually showing Dredd approach the main character. I have combined the last panel on page 1 with the first panel on page 2 (the boy enters the shot)

I have added additional panels on the internal shots of the PF - where the script states the dor is opening and closing I felt it needed to be highlighted as the reader would generally assume doors were still open when flitting between shots of those outside looking in at the main character and then him having a conversation with the PF.

Anyway your feedback would be greatly appreciated albeit I have already sent these in PRIOR to discovering the forum.

[CrazyFoxMachine]

Really really REALLY nice facial expressions here actually, a nice deep scratchy inking style a bit like Si Gurr - solid stuff!

[Jon]

It's good, one of the stronger attempts I've seen. Clear and seems to flow well (at least to my inexpert eyes) and some nice panels and layouts. Strong black and white work too.

I'm not sure I agree 100% about the expressions, Owen, they jar a little here and there for me, but the emotion is, on the whole, effectively conveyed for a strip that demands it.

I also feel like I'm seeing an improvement and a growing in confidence as it progresses, which is always heartening.

I would imagine, from my own limited experience, that the feedback you might get will be to work more on your figure work and maybe faces a little. It veers between cariacature and realism, and some of the "acting" can feel a touch hammy as a result. Some of the more extreme poses could probably benefit from a little more observation (the really low angle on Dredd looking up, for example). I think your Dredd is a little "off" for my taste too, but that's really more a matter of opinion I guess.*

But, on the whole, great! All the very best with your submission.


* I, by no means, offer this from any level of success of expertise, purely opinion. This is close to advice I have received from others and need to take myself.

[Neil McClements]

Yeah it's not bad, plenty to improve I think but watch your details! This lot will have ya' for it - Page 5, panel 1 the eagle is on the wrong shoulder.

[Steven Austin]

Hi Jon,

Thank you for the feedback - much appreciated.

I am pleased that there is indeed evidence of improvement as the pages progress.

It's interesting that you picked up on the faces switching between caricature and realistic. There is an explanation for this (at least I think there is) and that is that some of the facial expressions I am confident in tackling without reference (a mirror) and others not. I think possibly this would explain the differences.

Once again cheers Jon.

[Steven Austin]

Archie - argh!! Nice spot cheers - man what a blooper.

[Bubba Zebill]

Archie - argh!! Nice spot cheers - man what a blooper.

I recently re-read many of the progs. I found that same thing in 2000AD, Eagle on the wrong shoulder in one panel, from a pro! and it made it to print!

It's good work, I like the expressions too and the vigor of the line.

[Steven Austin]

Thanks Booda, I'll stop beating myself about the face and head now - cheers.

[Pauul]

Whoa.

Really well drawn Steven.

I'd agree with the others, it's not 100%, but then you see professional artwork which isn't 100% perfect either.

You should definetly keep aiming to improve, but be proud of what you've achieved as well.

[Steven Austin]

Thanks Pauul, I am and I do. I'll post my completed first page for Cycle of Violence later on this evening and think that there have already been improvements to that which is demonstrated in the PF samples. The proofs in the pudding so I'll see what you guys think.

[Batdan4ever]

I really enjoyed your work Steven, I think PF is a really tricky one to draw after giving it a bash myself. All the advice you received will no doubt make it better. Well done... let us know when you get a reply!

So I thought I would give Cycle of Violence another go. Sorry if you guys are sick of seeing this story! I was just really unhappy with my last stab at it so wanted to give it another go. After a long period of self doubt about if I can draw or not I'm slowly building in confidence so hopefully this is a bit better than my last try.

These are just sketchy pencils at the mo, but if anyone has any crits/feedback to offer I would be very grateful.

Thanks very much!
Dan

[Steven Austin]

Thanks for the kind words Batdan.

I really like your roughs - you can certainly draw.

A couple of things that did stand out to me was:

1. The sofa in panel two looks far to big in comparison to the figures so some scaling may be in order.
2. Dredds hand needs to be bigger and you need to add more foreshortening to the forearm.

I look forward to seeing the page progress.

Cheers buddy.