My social life problem can anyone help

[House of Usher]

'serve some sausage' ... 'you probably could have gotten a rusty trombone off her'

Put 'Mr Pepperami' away, Beavis! *Narf!* 

[Emperor]

Too bad you missed out, but at least you got to cop a feel. View this as a learning experience and you'll do better next time.

yea ive lerent one thing it seams nerily all women are teases and useres (note this also includs past experenises).

Oh dear - you've gone from potential sex apron to possible future sex apron maker. Not a good place to be - skinning women, stuffing them with shredded, soiled undergarments and using an intricate series of pulleys to make them seem alive is really no substitute for the real thing. So let's not go down that road, eh? What you are actually saying is some people are stupid and shallow, the gender is usually irrelevant (although it might impact the form in which it is expressed, due to social constraints).

Can I refer you to the answer give by m'learned colleague, especially as his name is nearly so similar to mine that we can, for the purposes of this thread, pretend I said it:

If theres one thing to learn here......its make yer move faster!!

You are angry at the situation but this is largely your fault, so turn the anger inwards and give yourself a metaphorical kick up the pants, don't turn it outwards into cheap misogyny - that just makes Optimus Prime cry big, oily tears:

At least give misanthropy a try first.

[Old Tankie]

Now that you've finally sussed that you're unlikely to get your leg over this side of the next moon landing, can I now assume that this thread is now done with!!  No more, please, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!

[Tiplodocus]

I don't think that attitude will help you much.

[House of Usher]

past experenises

Rhymes with...


Sorry. Couldn't resist Tiplodocus's exhortation to 'go for the knob gag.'

[SmallBlueThing]

End of the thread? Not on your nelly! We now have to drag Cyberleader out of this pit of misogyny and help him when he meets someone else. Next time, he must do EXACTLY as we say, WHEN we say it. It'll be like a great big online version of "The Dice Man", with us as the dice.

SBT

[Banners]

Still wearing the V Plates then, Cyberleader?

[JOE SOAP]

That's the only V he'll be getting for a while.

[Cyberleader2000]

Too bad you missed out, but at least you got to cop a feel. View this as a learning experience and you'll do better next time.

yea ive lerent one thing it seams nerily all women are teases and useres (note this also includs past experenises).

Oh dear - you've gone from potential sex apron to possible future sex apron maker. Not a good place to be - skinning women, stuffing them with shredded, soiled undergarments and using an intricate series of pulleys to make them seem alive is really no substitute for the real thing. So let's not go down that road, eh? What you are actually saying is some people are stupid and shallow, the gender is usually irrelevant (although it might impact the form in which it is expressed, due to social constraints).

Can I refer you to the answer give by m'learned colleague, especially as his name is nearly so similar to mine that we can, for the purposes of this thread, pretend I said it:

If theres one thing to learn here......its make yer move faster!!

You are angry at the situation but this is largely your fault, so turn the anger inwards and give yourself a metaphorical kick up the pants, don't turn it outwards into cheap misogyny - that just makes Optimus Prime cry big, oily tears:

At least give misanthropy a try first.

I know youre trying to telling me something important here but all I can here is my iner nurder saying why has someone used a masterpicer opitmus prime to do that picher lol also im not shure what the hell your on about

now I would like to point out that my past track recould with women is not only horibile its like a dastater so foige me whan I say untill proved I say all women are teases and useres all they want from you is money and for you to do things for them and personlay im geting pretiey tired of every atempt I make being shot down in flames this is whay I have no confindins which is aparenitily what led to my failer this time see its a vichious cyclkileif you lot had experinced what I have when it comes to women you might has as persimistick view as I do.

[Emperor]

I know youre trying to telling me something important here but all I can here is my iner nurder saying why has someone used a masterpicer opitmus prime to do that picher lol also im not shure what the hell your on about

Well that is me told.

If it is any help, I'm pretty sure the picture has been very crudely digitally manipulated (which might, in itself, be a metaphor for... something). So you can put your mind at ease, at least on that front.

now I would like to point out that my past track recould with women is not only horibile its like a dastater so foige me whan I say untill proved I say all women are teases and useres all they want from you is money and for you to do things for them and personlay im geting pretiey tired of every atempt I make being shot down in flames this is whay I have no confindins which is aparenitily what led to my failer this time see its a vichious cyclkileif you lot had experinced what I have when it comes to women you might has as persimistick view as I do.

Pffft. The stories I could tell (like the girl who wanted me to treat her worse* or that the last woman I was even mildly intimate with was a bride-to-be on her Hen Night and I am unsure if she did it for a dare or not) and I'm sure most of the chaps here can regale you with "war" stories of their own (one day we might collect them in an anthology - I'm toying with the title "In the Trenches"). You've just got to dust yourself off and get back out there - either be a little more discerning in who you go for or accept that you are going to have to accept a few disappointments in between the better catches. You clearly have... something about you that attracts female attention** so just keep putting yourself out there and hopefully you've learned your lesson about not fannying around for too long (although experience would suggest you haven't yet). So I suppose this advice boils down to "keep your pecker up," although that might not be appropriate phrasing in the circumstances but if that was a problem for me I'd stop using "fannying" too.

* If that happens to you, it is probably best to find out what she actually means, as breaking into her house and crapping on the carpet probably isn't what she was looking for and it can ruin a family's Sunday dinner (carving fork wounds take a long time to heal).

** I've got money on it being your Devil-may-care attitude to the English language - I believe the ladies really find that attractive in a man.

[COMMANDO FORCES]

Did you at any time mention your collection to her, if so that would have been your downfall.
What you need is a cellar full of Dredd merchandise, as that is what the ladies like 

[Judge Palmer]

Did you at any time mention your collection to her, if so that would have been your downfall.
What you need is a cellar full of Dredd merchandise, as that is what the ladies like 

Speaking from someone who has indeed seen CF's cellar I can confirm it is a wonder to behold and does for sure attract the ladies. Why there was one lovely lady there already (who made me a nice cup of tea) when I attended my invitation to puruse CF's fine collection of everything Dredd. He is a lucky man indeed, I left his cellar with a tear in my eye  never knowing if I would ever see this wonder ever again. May Tharg preserve this hidden treasure for millenia to come....

[Brigantian]

I'm feeling kinda sorry for old cyberleader. He's in his shagging prime and aint getting any. At his age I had a nice steady supply and never had to try. Then got past 30 and it's been drought after drought ever since with only the odd sip along the way. Now I just can't be arsed with the pursuit and all the jumping through hoops. I just hope and pray his sordid adventures increase perversely as he gets older (I was gonna use matures but then thought the better)and that he sticks around to tell us about them.

[Dandontdare]

Did you at any time mention your collection to her, if so that would have been your downfall.
What you need is a cellar full of Dredd merchandise, as that is what the ladies like 

Speaking from someone who has indeed seen CF's cellar I can confirm it is a wonder to behold and does for sure attract the ladies. Why there was one lovely lady there already (who made me a nice cup of tea) when I attended my invitation to puruse CF's fine collection of everything Dredd. He is a lucky man indeed, I left his cellar with a tear in my eye  never knowing if I would ever see this wonder ever again. May Tharg preserve this hidden treasure for millenia to come....

Does Mrs CF know he keeps a lady down there? 

[Proudhuff]

Does Mrs CF know he keeps a lady down there?