Can't keep up with the Joneses

[I, Cosh]

So Hunt for Red October is on Film4 and, as it burbled gently along in the background, I realised that it features my fourth favourite fictional Jones. Here's the top 5. Feel free to disagree or recommend some of your own.

5. Nathan Jones. Former paramour of both the Supremes and Bananarama. Used to be higher up the list but sadly he's been gone for just a bit too long.

4. Seaman Jones. Audiophile sonar operator on the USS Dallas, only Jones would have the ears to pick out the Russians' revolutionary new Caterpillar Drive from the background noise. Like a shark smelling a single drop of blood in ten thousand gallons of ocean.

3. Impetigo Jones. Once again 2000AD hangs ten on the crest of the popular culture wave. Impetigo was the mysterious, romantic leading man swaddled in bandages that everyone was talking about ten years before The English Patient. While we're on the subject, that's one of a remarkably large list of films which would've been greatly improved if more character had been eaten to death by hallucinogenic crabs.

2. Jones the Steam. Overly solicitous and vaguely creepy fat engine driver. Misses the top spot on account of being Welsh.

1. Jones. There was only one really sensible crewmember on board the Nostromo when it touched down to investigate a distress beacon on LV-246 and he was a fucking cat. Interests include hissing at xenomorphs and getting his filthy, furry paws all over Ripley en deshabille. Clever cat.

[DrRocka]

Jones the voice? Friend of Elvis, from the Rhondda Vallee?

Janie Jones, without whom "The Clash" would have missed an opening track?

[House of Usher]

Corporal Jones. Dad's Army.

[Dog Deever]

"Jones is dead- ah keeled heem"

[Dandontdare]

oooh so many to choose from... Tom, Vinnie, Catherine Zeta, AliasSmithand, Casey, Indiana ...

but I think my vote goes to Miss Jones off of Rising Damp.

[House of Usher]

Blackbelt Jones.

Cleopatra Jones.

Carmen Jones.

There are many more from the days when you could give anything a blaxploitation vibe by adding 'Jones' on the end.

[House of Usher]

And I think I heard of a Halo Jones once.


or it might have been 'Halon.' It's an element.

[Buttonman]

Jimbo Jones - Simpsons Bully
Tom Jones - Gravel voiced swordsman
Terry Jones - always good in a dress
Davy Jones - Just missed the last train to Clarkesville
Brigit Jones - big pants look good on my bedroom floor


Honourable mention : Indiana.

[SuperSurfer]

Co  Jones.

[I, Cosh]

Blackbelt Jones.

Now we're talking. Jim Kelly is a legend and this is a serious Jones. Top ten material for sure.

[satchmo]

Boy Jones, Ol' Dirty Bastard's son. His repertoire so far is mostly how great his Dad was, but he's still young and he's got a big future ahead of him. He's just been on tour with the Wu-Tang Clan and inevitably is also getting called Young Dirty Bastard

EDIT He's not quite fictional though 

[Colin YNWA]

Our cat is named after Indiana Jones (ok so she's a she but it works)

[johnnystress]

That craving you get when you haven't scored heroin for a while

[Banners]

Butterfly Jones. Short-lived side project from dada guitarist extraordinaire Michael Gurley, resulting in the album Napalm Springs.

M@

[Dark Jimbo]

Our cat is named after Indiana Jones...

...and Indiana was named after his dog! Cosmic.