Well, I'm horrified to report I mostly enjoyed it. It has no brain, relies on action set-pieces when it gets itself into trouble and I have to confess, the villain made no sense to me in any way, shape or form. Didn't understand anything about what he was trying to do, why he wanted to do it or why he looked the way he did. Anyone want to help me out here, much appreciated.
In saying all that, it's got some heart. It gets the Kirk/Spock/Bones trifecta just right, even if this Kirk is a whiny little fucker compared to Shatner's. Jaylah is a great addition, I thought. The movie looks great. There's some great real pulpy science fiction imagery which I loved and this might be the first of the Abramsverse movies where I finally started to really appreciate the new Enterprise design. I think Lin has a better grasp on which angles to make it look good.
Yeah, the motorbike is there, although a little less jarring once the context is explained. Not as unforgivable as the use of Sabotage, yet fucking again. This time in completely ludicrous fashion. I guess no-one creates music in the 23rd century.
All in all, I enjoyed it, with the caveat that it's big, loud and dumb but it gets more right than wrong in terms of a Star Trek movie. Cast are great, particularly our boy Karl who finally gets plenty to do in this one.