The Black Dog Thread

[CrazyFoxMachine]

Does anyone else here suffer worse on a Sunday? Perhaps I should get a weekend job to keep me busy and take my mind off being bored/depressed.

Sunday nights are routinely harrowing/sleepless for me - often because my job is very changeable and I'm deeply anxious about what Monday might bring. Having a very active day often does assist with that as you deplete the energy you'd spend getting wired. Only problem there: I'm extremely lazy so I often have mental energy by the bucketload.

IT'S A VICIOUS CYCLE.

[CrazyFoxMachine]

Also it's heartening to see so many folk articulating their experiences on this thread. You may not feel like it, but just writing it down and expressing what you're feeling in words is a huge part of the battle. It solidifies it, contextualizes it - stops it from becoming a howling vortex of conflicting feelings in your mind alone.

On that note I found CBT personally deeply effective when confronting a build of bullshit thinking - if you can flexibly identify and dismiss the thoughts as they occur to you, you can head off attacks quite effectively. Then - we all get it differently but this thread is a good start to get people writing it down. Don't stay silent, you are not alone!

[auxlen]

The black dog sits on my chest often.
things that 'normal' people love that fills me with dread:
1. party songs...Oh what a night etc...can render me more alone than a depressing radiohead/joy division/morrisey song
2. anything associated with a Sunday kills me (top 40, songs of praise, heartbeat et al)
3. there is so much mor but i'm self medicating so....

[Tjm86]

Does anyone else here suffer worse on a Sunday? Perhaps I should get a weekend job to keep me busy and take my mind off being bored/depressed.

I find Sunday afternoon / evening is when the anxiety spike is most likely to happen.  Usually it is all the things I had planned for the weekend but didn't get round to doing because actually I do need a break at some point and working non stop generally tends to lead to melt down.  I think the cultural norm now of working until you drop is probably part of the reason for the explosion in mental health issues over the last few years.

Personally I'm trying to condition myself into accepting that not only is it acceptable to actually spend time at the weekend on non work related activities but it is in fact a responsibility because otherwise I'm going to end up burning out.  I find that some mindless film or novel helps.  That and Camomile tea on a Sunday evening!

[richerthanyou]

So much to do. This is my last weekend before I move away and I haven't done any packing yet. I haven't even got somewhere to live yet. To most normal people the answers are obvious, but to be honest, I could just lay around all day listening to the chirping of the birds. And no, it's not because I'm a lazy sod!

[Dark Jimbo]

I bloody love Sunday, me! Possibly my favourite day of the week. My calendar triggers aren't really day-related but date-related; New Years and Valentines Day (and occassionally my birthday).

This was the first year that I can remember that I didn't fall into a black hole of depression at New Years', though, so I'm hoping that the same holds true of today.

[The Legendary Shark]

Just three and a half hours' work in the last fortnight, so I'm now a week behind in the rent for my shed for the first time. That seems like a terrible milestone. Dreams - nightmares really - riffing on the cast out of home/family/society/world theme. The solicitor was expecting a reply from the police before Christmas but I haven't heard from him since, despite a couple of polite emails of inquiry I sent. Watching, helpless, as wider society sleepwalks into serfdom, war and ruin.

The pull of the black hole is becoming tangible again, the foetid breath of the Black Dog on the nape of my neck.

But, health-wise I'm okay and I have a small core of good and reliable friends.

I will not give in to this darkness again. I'll piss into the black hole until it chokes and kick the Black Dog in the nuts, send it scampering away yelping, tail between its legs. Fuck depression. Fuck anxiety. Whatever comes, I'll plant my feet and face it. Square my shoulders and resist it or let it flow past me. No medication. No drugs. Just me, small and insignificant, and all the inner power I can muster.

I will not yield to the darkness again.

[Mardroid]

That's the spirit Shark!
Just don't be afraid to talk to those good and reliable friends.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Hope you're ok, Shark.

Me, I've had pretty much no free time for the last three months, even in the evenings, other than a week or so at Christmas (which was nice but a bit stressful in its own way).  It's finally really getting me down.  I didn't start a business for this - I want a life again. I can't even remember who I am any more.

To be fair; I'm nearly done with the heavy work; just one more week of it.  I'm also at a low ebb because I was very ill all weekend and still am a bit (not at all unconncected with the fact that I work almost all my waking hours and sleep little).  Hopefully once this last week is out of the way I'll remember what kind of person I am when I'm not working.

[TordelBack]

Aye, stand your ground, Sharky. More than I can manage at any rate.

[Hawkmumbler]

Something I found as a good remedy for the daily visit from the black dog is little acts of kindness. Helping a mother struggling down some stairs with a pram, holding a door open that extra few seconds for an elderly gentleman, generously tipping barista's (Lord knows they need it) to the best of your ability.

Helping other people feel better, even nay especially complete strangers can often be the elevating factor of your day.

[Jim_Campbell]

Aye, stand your ground, Sharky. More than I can manage at any rate.

Any appreciable difference with St Johns Wort, TB?

Cheers

Jim

[TordelBack]

Haven't even given it a try yet Jim, thanks muchly for the reminder. Hard-won resolution to take action led to frustrating and unproductive engagement with my GP which so far has amounted to an exercise in appointment-making, and left me even more dispirited. Patience, patience. Luckily my main contract at the moment requires only the vaguest semblance of shambling life from me, buying my life in hourly chunks of mere presence and occasional grunts, or I'd be even more fecked. As to all my other responsibilities, it doesn't bear describing.

[Dog Deever]

On that note I found CBT personally deeply effective when confronting a build of bullshit thinking

Worked for me on a personal level too. The pills kept me from landing up in jail though 'happy pills' were not happy in any way- it was an emotional flatline where I really did not give two hoots what I said or how it was received, but it did stop me from becoming violently aggressive, which was one of the main causes of much of my anxiety.
I was frustrated by the psychiatrists lack of willingness too talk about anything, but Occy Health fixed me up with six weeks CBT at an hour a week, on the phone- despite the shitness of this setup, I couldn't have turned the corner without it. I (typically) didn't even do the homework you're meant to do but it still worked. (That and constantly having to piss sitting down, leaning as far forward as possible to force it out of me, which I think is within the range of possible fluoxetine side effects. That couldn't last, I felt like I was going to rupture my bladder! Comical.)

[The Legendary Shark]

Thanks, chaps. Sorry I didn't reply sooner.

Helping others helps me, too. Just last week I stopped to help up a pensioner who fell over at a bus stop whilst a few others just kept walking. She was upset at having no money to pay me for my kindness but after I said, "Old lass, I don't need paying for doing the right thing," she got a tear in her eye and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Another bloke, who I vaguely know, also stopped and gave her a lift home in his van. I felt ten feet tall after that little act of kindness. Definitely powerful medicine.

I think getting out, taking the dog for a walk, especially with a friend, is also good for me.

One thing that might help others is how to deal with "dark thoughts." I used to get these a lot - you know the kind of thing, imagining punching someone or hurting yourself - and then worrying about them for ages after. I realised they're just random thoughts, everyone has them. Now I just shrug and say to myself, "it's just a thought, it doesn't mean anything," and let it go. I own my thoughts, or try to. Appreciate the "good" ones and cast the "bad" ones aside.