The Black Dog Thread

[The Legendary Shark]

Cheers, everyone.

I used to be invulnerable, you know? I kinda miss that feeling, is all.

[JayzusB.Christ]

That is indeed a lovely piece of writing, Sharky. I believe you could write a good autobiography - I'm not even being sarcastic or anything; you've had an interesting life and have a nice prose style.

While I haven't been heavily depressed for a long time, I know it can strike at any moment so I'm undergoing CBT through Skype. So far so good - I'm not there yet but I feel a bit of a shift and I think it's the most, if not the only, effective form of therapy I've had. (The last guy I had began to do my head in with meandering platitudes and I found myself suddenly channeling Rorschach, until he finally understood just how dark my mind was and how empty I saw my horizons at that time.  At that point he realised he had nothing.  I went back once and he was still struggling so that was it for me.)

[The Legendary Shark]

That's very kind of you to say, JBC, thanks. I haven't had an interesting life, though - it's bored the shit outta me!

[JayzusB.Christ]

That's very kind of you to say, JBC, thanks. I haven't had an interesting life, though - it's bored the shit outta me!

I'm reminded of this, which I haven't read since school: http://homepage.eircom.net/~odyssey/Quotes/Written/Epic.html

[TordelBack]

Have to love Kavanagh, the cantankerous old drunk.

[paddykafka]

While not quite up to the standard of Patrick Kavanagh, I thought that the following Limerick might give ye a laugh, Sharky.

"There was a Young Man from Firrban,
Whose Rhymes they never did scan.
When asked why this was so,
He said: 'I don't know. I just always try to make the last line as long as I possibly can.' "

[The Legendary Shark]

Thanks for the encouragement, chaps!

 

"I made the Iliad from such A local row," - now you've been and gone and done it - you got me thinking...

[JayzusB.Christ]

Thanks for the encouragement, chaps!

 

"I made the Iliad from such A local row," - now you've been and gone and done it - you got me thinking...

Job done, then 

[Funt Solo]

I have someone in my family who suffers from mental illness, and, even though I try to be supportive they often lash out (in writing and verbally: not physically) and blame me (and others) for their woes, when (like I said) we're consistently supportive.  It's really tiring and upsetting to deal with because their problems are so all-consuming that they never have any empathy. They never ask how we are. I love them and I feel for them: but I don't like the way they treat me. They threatened suicide today and said it would be my fault.

I'm fine: I just wanted to write that down somewhere ... neutral.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Sorry to hear that.  Sounds incredibly rough.  We have something similar but sadly it's my elderly parents that bear the brunt of it, and nothing close to the suicide threats.  Hope you're managing ok; sounds like you are though.

[Tjm86]

I'm fine: I just wanted to write that down somewhere ... neutral.

It is actually appropriate not to be fine.  That is not being unsupportive but rather being honest.  Anyone would be affected by what you describe, not to mention exhausted.  Being told that potentially someone could be 'responsible' for an attempt to take one's life is going to be distressing no matter how resilient you are.  Please don't feel bad about how it is affecting you.

 I don't know if this is relevant but based on what you describe, it sounds a little so.   Self-care is essential for anyone who is involved to a significant degree with someone with a mental health condition (MHC).

Part of the problem with a number of MHC's is that "Emotional Literacy / Awareness" can be impaired.  It's not so much a case of a lack of empathy as an inability to mentalise, to appreciate the emotional landscape of others.  This can sometimes be a result of being overwhelmed by their own emotions.  Unfortunately it can also impair thinking.  The 'fight / flight / freeze' response to threat tends to focus awareness with pinpoint inaccuracy.

Take care of yourself.

[Rately]

I have someone in my family who suffers from mental illness, and, even though I try to be supportive they often lash out (in writing and verbally: not physically) and blame me (and others) for their woes, when (like I said) we're consistently supportive.  It's really tiring and upsetting to deal with because their problems are so all-consuming that they never have any empathy. They never ask how we are. I love them and I feel for them: but I don't like the way they treat me. They threatened suicide today and said it would be my fault.

I'm fine: I just wanted to write that down somewhere ... neutral.

Funt, you are not alone. You have just literally just typed out the very situation I am in with a very loved member of my family. At the moments when I, and my wife should have been at our happiest, this person has lashed out, written and verbal, threatened suicide, and embarrassed us in front of other people. Besides that, my parents are suffering, and their advanced years shouldn't be spent dealing with this.

It's awful, and I always desperately search for a way to somehow cover for this person, and take the blame myself even when I realise it will cause ructions with my partner. I'm trying my best to limit the interaction, but when you love someone so much,. and spend many minutes of every hour in your day worrying, it really does impact your own mood and mental health.

[Funt Solo]

I'm fine: I just wanted to write that down somewhere ... neutral.

It's not so much a case of a lack of empathy as an inability to mentalise, to appreciate the emotional landscape of others.

Thanks for that clarification: it's one of the key things I try to keep at the forefront when I'm trying to work through it - that they're not being Machiavellian - they're lacking an ability.

[Tjm86]

It isn't easy to keep in mind and I think it is something that is not always fully appreciated.  There is a growing body of work on "Emotional Intelligence" that comes at it from different directions.  Peter Fonagy's work is quite interesting, particularly where he looks at Borderline Personality Disorder [hence the link I included earlier]. 

I will reiterate what you will see quite a bit of in these parts: look after yourself and feel free to share as much as you want.  We're crap at advice but great at providing insight into what it is like on the patient side of the fence.    

[paddykafka]

Hi Funt and Rately,

I can completely understand and appreciate where you are both coming from (though in my case, the experiences were with former girlfriends). Anyways, I wish you both all the best and hope that you'se can find the strength and support to deal with what can be a difficult and stressful situation. Cheers, lads and take care.