The Black Dog Thread

[Rately]

Hi Funt and Rately,

I can completely understand and appreciate where you are both coming from (though in my case, the experiences were with former girlfriends). Anyways, I wish you both all the best and hope that you'se can find the strength and support to deal with what can be a difficult and stressful situation. Cheers, lads and take care.

Cheers to you, Paddy.

Hope all well with you as well, and take care, lad. Same goes to Funt, and all who are active in this thread, or peruse it and maybe don't feel the need to share / vent!

[Tjm86]

With everything else that is going on in the world at the moment this definitely comes under the heading of "First World Problems" but anyway ...

So, a couple of months ago I managed to screw up badly at work.  A colleague had picked a bad day to badger me for something and I didn't react particularly well.  One complaint later and I was told to work from home for the foreseeable future pending an investigation.  Nothing for several months then met with investigator.  Then nothing for several months again ...

Friday - letter arrives telling me I now need to attend a disciplinary meeting to answer an allegation of gross misconduct with the possible termination of employment.  Not so much a 'black dog' moment as a 'black, feral, psychotic, hyper-canine' moment, especially with the BPD.

Union has been involved for a while and my rep was a little surprised.  Now passed up a level.

TBH it feels a little pathetic at the moment worrying about losing job and home.  Keeping rational, avoiding catastrophising, maintaining some degree of equilibrium in the face of ANS-hyper-activation, sleeping properly, eating, avoiding self-medication, all the usual that go with high-threat situations ... just seems stupid when other people are worrying about their own lives and the lives of loved ones.

I feel completely insane for feeling like there is a silver lining to the pandemic, that it is only a job, only a house, only the family home .... These are all things I can come back from.  The more important question is what matters most.

I know that quite a few inhabitants of this board have more than a passing familiarity with the dark mutt.  Everything going on around us is likely to put pressure on our ability to manage it particularly since our already overstretched medical services have to prioritise somewhat brutally.  So here's hoping everyone stays strong. 

I think as well this might be apposite to reflect on the level of support that is often found here.  That anyone feeling overwhelmed remembers and calls in before losing the plot?

Take care folks.

[TordelBack]

Wise words, Tjm.

Turns out I'm regettably pre-prepared for many of the features of this awful new world. Through pretty relentless CBD I've got myself into a strange state of emotional numbness this past year, with (for me) very few severe downs - or ups. It's allowed me to keep working, it's made home life more pleasant for my poor family, but it has also meant I've become completely demotivated and socially isolated.

I'm using all my mental energy maintaining necessary work and family relationships so I have given up sport and group hobbies, school community stuff, CoderDojo mentoring, and ceased all interaction with my real-world friends, even my two closest mates. Other than two mandatory work do's I haven't been in a pub since last summer. I've no energy once the essentials are done, and a constant fear that any intense emotion one way or the other will tip me off the balance beam.

I distract myself with childish solo hobbies like this place, painting minis, walks, and that is good, but longterm... it's not sustainable, is it? Right now though, result!

I'd say all my work will be cancelled by the end of the week, meaning shitty unfinished ends for two of the best projects I've ever been involved with, and an end to the most successful client relationships I've had in years. However, I've been here before, I lost a business I grew for 10 years, all our savings, and inherited vast amounts of debt, my reputation becoming an industry byword for failure, but eventually found a good place with a company I liked, and after a few years lost that due to a severe bout of depression... but I survived.

And I will again.

And so will most of us - jobs, careers, money, pride, it's all important, but you can lose it all and still carry on.

All that matters is that we keep our health and that of our loved ones as best we can, and stay alive. But it would be nice to hope for better days.

[Funt Solo]

Fuck fuck fuckitty fuck fuck. Fuck. Fucking teaching!

Fuck.

Why not just let all the students who don't want to learn anything fuck off - we could film them in the wilderness, trying to fend for themselves but being miserably inept because even though they're too cool for school all that means actually is that they're just pathetically inept and get eaten by passing bears as they desperately try to carve miniatures for D&D out of bark with their teeth.

I was them. Now I teach them. It's a curse!

And breathe.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Fuck fuck fuckitty fuck fuck. Fuck. Fucking teaching!

Fuck.

Why not just let all the students who don't want to learn anything fuck off - we could film them in the wilderness, trying to fend for themselves but being miserably inept because even though they're too cool for school all that means actually is that they're just pathetically inept and get eaten by passing bears as they desperately try to carve miniatures for D&D out of bark with their teeth.

I was them. Now I teach them. It's a curse!

And breathe.

It truly is soul-destroying, teaching people who don't want to learn.  I'm guessing it's kids or teenagers in your case; in mine it's been visa students who have to attend a minimum number of hours to comply with immigration guidelines.  It's all been online for me over the last 5 months, which makes it way easier to shut out the gobshites and focus on the people who actually care.

[Professor Bear]

A Canadian expat wot I followed on that there Youtube lives in Japan and supports herself via - and I am quoting exactly - "teachering English".

[Funt Solo]

I would far prefer teachering to teaching, I'm sure.

Finding a bit of zen now. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things how engaged (my high school students) are. They turned up - that's a bonus. Many of them have difficult issues to contend with. And it's possible to be successful at things whilst not being successful by the measures of a state-run school system.

I know all that. And I'm still employed. Everything is fine. Tra la la.

(*Just feeling at a low ebb, is all*)

---

One of my students (this is all on Zoom) has an adult in the same room who insists on listening to the television AT THIS VOLUME while the class is going on. I asked the student if there was any chance of convincing the adult to turn it down a bit (or wear headphones, or go outside and do something else instead - like in Why Don't You?) but was met with a rather chilling "Oh, I do not have any control over that." Not even worth asking. Asking would cause friction best avoided.

So many shitheads in the world.

[Tiplodocus]

I've ignored this thread for a long time but decided to dip in to do some research as someone I'm close to is suffering a bit.

I'm not far through it but just want to say from what I've read so far; Thank You.  Sharing all of this stuff, your feelings and what works and what doesn't work has already been greatly uplifting.

[Funt Solo]

I'm trying to figure out my place in my wider family at the moment - and trying to step back from being too judgmental.

Like, my father-in-law has been frustrating me, because he doesn't take Covid seriously enough by my standards, but I recently found out that he's frustrated with his son, who's adopted some conspiracy theories and finds it impossible not to constantly proselytize.

So, it's all levels and layers. And you can't control other people.

I was able to reach back in here and send those PDFs (about conspiratorial vs. conventional thinking, and another one about how to get scientific information out through the noise) over to my F-I-L - the ones that shaolin_monkey shared a while back.

Maybe that'll help a bit.

[Tjm86]

It's quite encouraging that this thread has not seen too much traffic for a while.  No doubt quite a few regulars are feeling it right now.  This has been a year of challenges unlike anything I think many of us have ever faced.  That is on top of many of the usual challenges.

Speaking personally, right now is quite a dark place.  It is requiring resources that I don't always feel that I have.  That said, I get up each morning, I get on with things, I go to bed at the end of each day having achieved things.

So for anyone and everyone that is feeling close to being overwhelmed right now can I say, as I think quite a few others here would also, that I really do get it.  Perhaps a few reminders of some of the hard-won wisdom of boarders is worth drawing on right now:

- we are all valued and appreciated by someone.  Might now be many, might not always be obvious, but worth bearing in mind.
- booze is not helpful, even though it sometimes feels like it is (especially mixed with medication .... fun stuff!)
- being informed is helpful but obsessively watching and reading news is not. 
- exercise, sleep and eating properly ... ( ... some day ...)
- CBT / DBT / ACT / Mindfulness are all helpful (for those not familiar with DBT it is an extension of CBT for those with a BPD diagnosis.  There are some helpful additional strategies there, especially around catastrophising.  Worth a look.)
- distraction with small pleasures is important.  Hobbies are your friend.
- prioritise contact with helpful people.  Like Funt says, we can't control others.  Sometimes their views, attitudes and behaviours can add to problems, especially around self-identity if we are talking about relatives.  Possibly one advantage of the social-distancing right now is that there is a helpful ready made excuse, although it does cut both ways.
- pick out positives in situations (that means you too, TJM86!).  Remember that we don't see the full picture quite often, especially when other people are involved.

I'm sure I've missed quite a few bits that folks have shared over the years.  Like Tiplodocus says though, this is a thread that always gets a response and it is always supportive.  It's not uncommon to find yourself on the receiving end of a PM check in.  So I guess that brings me to the last one for now ...

- if you feeling it, no matter how pathetic you feel it is and you are, please speak to someone.  What you are feeling is real and valid, it is in no way pathetic.  Everyone is feeling it right now.  Everyone is struggling.  Anyone would be hard pressed to cope.  Oh, and those that look like they are coping?  Quite often that is an Oscar nomination performance that comes undone with spectacular results.

Take care folks.  Stay safe.  Stay strong.  Stay Alert (Britain needs 'lerts'!) ... and the first post-pandemic Lawless con needs to be on everyone's list.

[sheridan]

I wanted to post something, thought that I had nothing worthwhile to say that could actually help so avoided it but still wanted to offer some support. It's a bit like giving someone a stale biscuit and some lukewarm tea and telling them "chin up".

I mean... if you have a stale biscuit then a cup of tea (lukewarm or otherwise) in which to dunk it is just the thing to make it more palatable.

[sheridan]

Take care folks.  Stay safe.  Stay strong.  Stay Alert (Britain needs 'lerts'!) ... and the first post-pandemic Lawless con needs to be on everyone's list.

That old joke came to mind last night - I saw a 'beware' road sign and wondered why 'be aware' got turned in to 'beware' while 'be alert' hasn't turned in to 'belert'.

Back to the usual service!

[JayzusB.Christ]

I was able to reach back in here and send those PDFs (about conspiratorial vs. conventional thinking, and another one about how to get scientific information out through the noise) over to my F-I-L - the ones that shaolin_monkey shared a while back.

Maybe that'll help a bit.

Can you post a link to that for me too? A lot of people I know could benefit.

[Funt Solo]

I was able to reach back in here and send those PDFs (about conspiratorial vs. conventional thinking, and another one about how to get scientific information out through the noise) over to my F-I-L - the ones that shaolin_monkey shared a while back.

Maybe that'll help a bit.

Can you post a link to that for me too? A lot of people I know could benefit.

The Debunking Handbook 2020

The Conspiracy Theory Handbook


Although it should be noted that these documents vibrate at a frequency designed to attune your mind to the synaptic pulses of the star gods of Sirius.

[JayzusB.Christ]

I wouldn't have it any other way! Thanks for that, though, looks like interesting and useful stuff