This is the News!

[JohnW]

This really has nothing to do with me, but I feel bound to point out that Charles has so far failed to pull a sword from a stone or drive the giants from Britain.

[M.I.K.]

I assume that's an anti-monarchy thing but "not my king" suggests they'd be happy with a different one, which begs the question - which one?

Elvis? Simba? Kong? Stephen? Mrs? Rollo? Bruce Campbell?

[JohnW]

If l had a vote it would be for the Mighty Kong - naturally.

There's nothing in the Act of Settlement of 1701 that precludes a giant ape from assuming the throne (provided, of course, that the ape isn't Catholic).

[JayzusB.Christ]

I think even the staunchest Royalist would agree that Chuck 3 is not my king. 

If I had to have one, it would probably be Miss King, our old religious teacher at school. Not only was she young and attractive, but she also let us smoke in her car.

[Barrington Boots]

If we're not careful we could end up with Jareth, the Goblin King. There's a future I'd rather not think about.

I quite fancy King from the videogame Tekken. He became a wrestler to support an orphanage! But surely The Lion King is the most apt for England, plus he might eat Suella Braverman.

[The Legendary Shark]

I don't need a king because I already am one - the King of Me.

[JohnW]

From The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle for the year 855,
The ancestors of Aethelwulf. King of the West Saxons:

Aethelwulf was Egbert's offspring, Egbert Ealhmund's offspring, Ealhmund Eafa's offspring, Eafa Eoppa's offspring, Eoppa Ingeld's offspring; Ingeld was the brother of Ine, king of Wessex, who afterwards travelled to St Peter's and afterwards gave up his life there; and they were the sons of Cenred; Cenred was Ceolwald's offspring, Ceolwald Cutha's offspring, Cutha Cuthwine's offspring, Cuthwine Ceawlin's offspring, Ceawlin Cynric's offspring, Cynric Cerdic's offspring, Cerdic Elesa's offspring, Elesa Esla's offspring, Esla Gewis's offspring, Gewis Wig's offspring, Wig Freawine's offspring, Freawine Frithugar's offspring, Frithugar Brand's offspring, Brand Baeldaeg's offspring, Baeldaeg Woden's offspring.

Anyway, what all of this means is that Charles, by the Grace of God, King, Defender of the Faith, claims descent from Woden the one-eyed slaughter god.

I don't remember hearing anything about that in last September's proclamation.
Are they ashamed of it or something?

[The Legendary Shark]

We can all play that game.

As a descendant of Adam and Eve, my lineage goes all the way back to God Himself.

Bow before me, Charlie!

[M.I.K.]

Pshaw! Adam and Eve were only created by God from clay. I've got Sinclairs in my family tree, which means not only could I be directly descended from Jesus Christ, and thus God Himself, (if you believe those "Holy Blood, Holy Grail" type books), but I may also be distantly related to David Mitchell!

[Woolly]

My surname, Woollatt, is derived from 'Wulfgeat' (according to Google anyway).
After the 1066 conquest, the Wulfgeats are listed as 'tenants-in-chief' of lands held by the crown.

So... I might not be in line for the throne, but I'll happily look after a castle or two for whichever one of you lot gets it! 

[Funt Solo]

Talking of King Cnut - he had a son, you know. His name was Harthacnut.

---

The DG of the BBC is spouting quite a lot of doublespeak at the moment. Somehow he's translated the gagging of a sport pundit (who had the temerity to speak truth to power in his spare time) with the concept of promoting free speech.

Surely he's read 1984. Does he think it's a manual?

There must be a flow chart for this sort of thing: "IF the government tries to silence the press THEN tell them to fuck off." It's not rocket science.

[The Legendary Shark]

My name, Mark Howard, means Mars Hog-Warden.

Therefore, my ineffable name is Wargod Pigwatcher.

I may start using that as my signature...

[The Legendary Shark]

Silicon Valley Bank - domino #1.

Signature Bank - domino #2.

Brace yourselves...

[JayzusB.Christ]

I'm a Walsh.  Which, uninspiringly, means Welsh.  Kenneth Branagh's surname, weirdly, is exactly the same name, but whoever anglicised his went for approximate phonetics instead of a translation.


Back on topic, it seems like the BBC's new deal with Gary Lineker goes something like: 'Delete it.' 'No.' 'Apologise.' 'No.' 'Refrain from similar tweets in future.' 'No.' 'Right then, grab a microphone, Gary, you've got yourself a deal.'

Massive fuckup from the BBC this time.  Seems like the British public are a lot less xenophobic and psychopathic than the Tories were hoping.

[sheridan]

Not a Walsh, but my cousins are.  Their uncles include my dad and a Walsh that some people on this board have probably seen on TV (doing gardening and home improvement stuff).