A few years ago, I went to see a French Anti-War movie in the IFI in Dublin. Ten minutes into the film, this drunk, middle-aged couple made their way into the cinema and of course sat their arses down in the seats right behind me. Within SECONDS they were already chatting away to themselves. She: "Oh! It's set during the First World War!"
(I'm guessing that the sight of all those trenches and bomb craters must have given her a hint.)
Anyway, after a few more minutes of their blathering, I turned around and politely asked them to be quiet. "Oh, very sorry," was her reply and I thought that was the end of the matter. But, oh how wrong I was. Ten minutes later she was off blabbing again. At that point I turned and said to them: "Excuse me. I paid to see this movie, not to hear your fucking conversation! If you want to fucking talk, then get the fuck out of here!"
That'll learn 'em, thinks I.
And it seemed to do the trick. For about five minutes. And then: Dee-dee-dee-dee. Dee-dee-dee-dee.Dee-dee-dee-dee-dum! Her fucking mobile ringing merrily away! And as if that wasn't a hanging offense in itself, the stupid bitch actually answered it and proceeded to have a conversation!
"Yeah, hello? I'm in the cinema." etc.
Well, I won't even repeat the tirade of abuse that I heaped upon 'em. The dozy twat finally got the message and was quiet as a mouse for the next twenty minutes, until...she started to snore. Very loudly. With no sign of stopping.
At that point, I mentally went into Basil Fawlty mode, hands clasped over head and hopping up and down. Rather than end up being charged with homicide - however justified! - I simply walked out and got my money back. The upside of all this however, is that a few months later I recounted this story for a radio competition and won a five-day holiday to Cyprus for my troubles!
(I'm guessing that the sight of all those trenches and bomb craters must have given her a hint.)
Anyway, after a few more minutes of their blathering, I turned around and politely asked them to be quiet. "Oh, very sorry," was her reply and I thought that was the end of the matter. But, oh how wrong I was. Ten minutes later she was off blabbing again. At that point I turned and said to them: "Excuse me. I paid to see this movie, not to hear your fucking conversation! If you want to fucking talk, then get the fuck out of here!"
That'll learn 'em, thinks I.
And it seemed to do the trick. For about five minutes. And then: Dee-dee-dee-dee. Dee-dee-dee-dee.Dee-dee-dee-dee-dum! Her fucking mobile ringing merrily away! And as if that wasn't a hanging offense in itself, the stupid bitch actually answered it and proceeded to have a conversation!
"Yeah, hello? I'm in the cinema." etc.
Well, I won't even repeat the tirade of abuse that I heaped upon 'em. The dozy twat finally got the message and was quiet as a mouse for the next twenty minutes, until...she started to snore. Very loudly. With no sign of stopping.
At that point, I mentally went into Basil Fawlty mode, hands clasped over head and hopping up and down. Rather than end up being charged with homicide - however justified! - I simply walked out and got my money back. The upside of all this however, is that a few months later I recounted this story for a radio competition and won a five-day holiday to Cyprus for my troubles!