Funt me, just to prove you all wrong...

[Thread Zero]

Just to prove once and for all you lot are so wrong about my clunky Dredd dialogue:

From my script. Chosen at random.
All Dredd lines:

But you ain't going nowhere punk.

Must have been planning this operation for some time.

And?

(Yes that's an actual line Dredd says)

I'll take your word for it.

In other words, sugar crazies.

Get down.

Halt in the name of the law.

Stay inside your door citizen. Lock the door.

In pursuit of felon.

There are loads more I can quote where Dredd says a maximum of three lines or less!

So what's with all this s*** about my clunky Dredd dialogue?

Unless you think the above lines are long winded?

Well?

scojo

[paulvonscott]

In the name of all that's holy could we make this the last Scojo Script thread.  It really has become extraordinarily tiresome.  There are enough Script Threads already on the board (probably about ten or so) to have this discussion in, why let this plague continue?  

Can't we get back to talking about the size of Drdd's boots?

It's funtin annoying.

[Thread Zero]

Or how about the following Dredd lines:

Be careful.

Rapid Fire.

That better?

Certainly.

Target those gun turrets.

Get in closer.

Concentrate your fire on those two. this on'e mine.

Turbo boost.

This is your on chance to surrender. I won't give you another.

Visor to infra red.

Let's hope so.

Something's never change.

Choice is yours.

Point blank death, creep.

I can go on if you like with more examples.

Anyone wanna say these lines are clunky?

scojo

[paulvonscott]

Funt me, the nature of Scojo is irrepressible.

[Thread Zero]

I don't care PVS.

I have a point. People criticise me for writing clinky Dredd dialogue. The fact is 95 percent of it isn't. See my last two posts on this thread to prove that.

I am insulted by people's petty remarks that my Dredd speaks clunky.

They pick a few exposition type lines to justify their position.

But do they mention the lines where Dredd speaks in short sentences? The vast majority.
No they don't.

If people say I can't take constructive criticism at least their comments should be factually correct in the first place.

I give as good as I get. But don't treat me like some idiot Milo, Jim etc. Start from a position of fact. Then I might respect your opinion.

scojo

scojo

[Thread Zero]

CLinky clunky it's all the same to me!

scojo bad typist

[Wood]

Did you actually listen to what I said (TWICE) or are you taking the piss, scojo?

[paulvonscott]

I'm not arguing that you don't have a right to talk about your script, it's just that since your first script post on the ninth, four days ago, you have created 12 threads just to talk about it and the people who criticise it.  It's starting to look like a Scojo Script Message Board.  

So if you could just stick to using those twelve threads to talk about your script I'd be grateful.  I can't think of any other subject that ever gets that treatment and while obviously your script is pretty important to you, it isn't as interesting to everyone else as say... 2000AD.

[Thread Zero]

I shut up now.

Sorry.

Still think you lot are talking complete **** but still...

scojo rude but nice with it:))))

Kiss kiss

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Oddboy]

Good point.

You might reply to someone's reply when you may already have read the answer if you read there reply from a different thread which they wrote before you even read the first one.

Is my dialogue getting a bit long winded?



P.S. Good work Scojo on the *'s.

[Thread Zero]

Eh?

Why dont you answer my question?

Are the lines I state clunky?

And look what you've done, you made me talk about it again.

Pvs, it's his fault, I was shutting up.

Wood email me mate and we can have a chat.*

I love deleting emails you see!

I once knew a guy called Wood
Who never could get..er wood
He tried in vain
Viagra was a pain
And now he needs a crane instead!

* seriously you can if you like:)

scojo

[Wood]

No need to email. Sorry Peevs, but if you're bored, you always have the option not to click on the thread. :D

Scojo:

I didn't actually say anything about your dialogue in the first place.

I just commented that a lot of the criticism directed at it was constructive, and that you were ignoring it. As a writer (not in the field of comics, but a writer is a writer), I know that if I simply blatantly ignored every piece of criticism I got, I'd have never have got ANYTHING published.

I'm going for an editorial job soon (no, it's not in any field you're interested in, and yes, I do honestly rate my chances of getting it). Part of it will be explaining to wannabe journos why I can't publish their work.

The ones who will get published will be the ones who actually take on board the reasons why it can't be published and work with that.

The watcher gave you a very generous critique of your script. Rather than thank him or take on board anything, you tried to justify one of the *clunk*s. That attitude is not going to get you professional status any time soon.

No one is disputing that you've got some good dialogue. But they pointed out the clunky dialogue. Keep the good dialogue. But do something about the clunky dialogue. That's not hard, is it? Particularly when the lines that were pointed out as clunky were ones which were pretty pivotal to the characters and the plot.

(Comment on the 'non-clunky' dialogue: personally, rather than have Dredd say "hi ex" or whatever like he does in the comic, it'd be better for film if some other way was shown - eg he twiddles the little shot selector and 'hi ex' appears in little leds on the side of the gun in close up. The shot name works in the comic - but only because it was the best way Wagner etc. could think of to represent it. Film has different means of representation, and a thing like that can be signified in different ways)

Back on subject: Face it, people aren't going to buy something that's mainly good, with a couple of crap bits. They're going to buy something *good* (and then wreck it with edits and stuff:p). So you have to recognise the bits that need improvement and acknowledge the bits that don't - and, as the watcher said, there is much in your script that doesn't need improvement.

What this boils down to is this: Scojo - how seriously do you want to do this for a living? Writing scripts for films and comics isn't 'proper' art, it's commercial art (as in, you're not doing it for art's sake, you're using it to make a living).

As such, it needs to be saleable. If you are serious about selling anything, you're going to have to listen to your market. If you don't take criticism, no one is going to give you the break that you so need.

PS. "Wood" is a nickname given to me by my wife. Make of that what you will.

Besides, it's the height of bad manners to cast aspersions on someone's prowess, especially if you're a virgin yourself. :P :P

[Tiplodocus]

I haven't read the script.  I have no intention of doing so - life really is too short.  

I am getting very worried by your behaviour - you really should not take to insulting people when they do the one thing you have asked them to i.e. criticise your script.  

I think you really should seek some professional help (and I don't mean about scriptwriting) or at the very least sit down, have a cup of tea and calm down.  Behaving like this will not win you any mates or invite anybody to seiously consider your work.  

[Thread Zero]

If anyone else is bored my this thread, ignore it:)))))

Hi back at ya wood. Just a joke about your user name. Sorry! He hee.

My point is I fundamently disagree my dialogue is clunky, per se. Most here go on about exposition type lines. They ignore the fact that most of Dredd's lines are short and to the point.
This is why I find it hard to take their suggestions/constructive criticisms seriously.

However....

Hand on heart, I never rated my "try justice approved herbal tea" gag.
I just needed some line to end the scene on and it had to relate to sugar. I couldn't think of anything else so I left it in.

I loved the "Now that's gotta hurt" line at first but then realised it isn't very original. So I don't mind changing that line.

The final line? "Justice has a face and I am it." Well I don't mind that line, as Dredd IS the masked face of justice. The fact he never takes off his helmet proves he is the (anonymous) face of the law. So that was the point of the line.
But you could scrap it and say  "Let only the gulity fear me. For I am the law. I am Judge Dredd."
Or something similar.

The rest of the script may need to explain how characters speak.
For example when Dredd takes hold of the overdue vid slug:

Dredd
One day late. Now that is some crime. What shall we say? A 100 credit fine. Doubled if not paid by today.

Gives it to Leech.

BALTHAZAR LEECH
You're too kind.


I should change it to:

Dredd
(with a hint of sarcasm)
One day late. Now that is some crime. What shall we say? A 100 credit fine. Doubled if not paid by today.

Gives it to Leech.

BALTHAZAR LEECH
(returns the sarcasm back)
You're too kind.

I think that may help readers appreciate how the lines should be spoken.

Of course if rebellion liked my script (please say yes!!) I would change the dialogue.

To be honest, I am more concerned whether people like the story, the characters, the structure of the acts - than whether or not Dredd speaks one or two 'stiff' lines.

As you say no script is left untouched. It is rewritten to some extent. I am open to change.

scojo

[paulvonscott]

"No need to email. Sorry Peevs, but if you're bored, you always have the option not to click on the thread. "

Well, sorry Wood, but I'm sick to death of this subject crawling over the message board.  I only reply to this thread because I hope I could make it the last one.

There are 12 f*cking threads devoted to this stuff and you can discuss it here or on any of the others till you brain melts for all I care, but for f*cks sake please don't start any more.

Scojo's script, whatever its worth does not justify 12 threads on this board.  It is a huge annoyance factor to me and a lot of other people.

If ten people posted 12 threads each, all on a single topic of gibberish, then this board would be unreadable.