Life Spugs because...

[ZenArcade]

Well that's good, your perspective will be better by then. You need to get some down time on this: get some rest and try not to let is dominate your thoughts, difficult as that may seem at the moment. Z

[Taryn Tailz]

I don't think there is anyway I can stop this dominating my thoughts Zen, but you're quite right of course. I am dreading what she'll say next time I hear from her though.

Thank you for the advice.

[Grugz]

thats awful  and I hope things work out for you with or without her. has she reported the rape btw?...my nephew has just found out his girlfriend has been cheating on him with a boy from the pub they have a not yet two year old together so naturally he kicked her out . 

[The Legendary Shark]

Here's an idea that might be terrible - instead of leaving stuff on her doorstep, might it be better instead to pass on your gifts and thoughts through her best friend or close relative? I imagine her friends/family will be supporting her at the moment, so going through them might be a gentler approach.
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As I say, this might be a terrible idea so take it under advisement.
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My best to you all,
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M

[Taryn Tailz]

thats awful...but has she reported the rape?

I'm afraid I don't know what the situation is there. It will be addressed by me at some point, but I think I'll keep that off the forum.

[Taryn Tailz]

Here's an idea that might be terrible - instead of leaving stuff on her doorstep, might it be better instead to pass on your gifts and thoughts through her best friend or close relative? I imagine her friends/family will be supporting her at the moment, so going through them might be a gentler approach.
.
As I say, this might be a terrible idea so take it under advisement.
.
My best to you all,
.
M

Unfortunately, due to distance, I don't know her best friend personally. I know her best friend is well aware of who I am, but I don't know where she lives or anything. Plus, she might not have divulged this to her best friend for all I know.

I thought about the doorstep idea because if she wants to see me then she knows I'm very near by, whereas if she doesn't then she doesn't have to face me.

Thank you though Shark.

[Dash Decent]

Tim, maybe you could post the card to her now and let her know that you want to be there for her and that you'll be in town on such-&-such a day and your number is xxxxx.  That way she has some time to think about it and get in touch.  You could also have the flowers delivered if you can afford it.

I think the note and flowers are a great idea but the 'dumping them & running away' part might be open to misinterpretation.  Also it reduces the amount of time she's got to make a decision and she might just be startled and say 'no' as a first reaction then change her mind later when it's too late.  Right now you've got distance as a reason for approaching her this way, and you can explain in the card that you would never do anything to upset her and put her on the spot so you're reaching out this way to see if she wants you to call in person.

[Taryn Tailz]

I think the note and flowers are a great idea but the 'dumping them & running away' part might be open to misinterpretation.  Also it reduces the amount of time she's got to make a decision and she might just be startled and say 'no' as a first reaction then change her mind later when it's too late.  Right now you've got distance as a reason for approaching her this way, and you can explain in the card that you would never do anything to upset her and put her on the spot so you're reaching out this way to see if she wants you to call in person.

I think you may be right there Dash Decent. I certainly plan on contacting her before Friday night, even if it's just a single unanswered message, so she at least knows I'm there. Obviously I want to do that right now, but today she is making the decision about what to do, and as much as it is killing me I think it's probably best that I don't contact her today.

I do kind of feel that whatever I do will end up being wrong though. Life didn't come with an instruction manual for this kind of thing.

[ZenArcade]

Ah Tim don't beat your self up or put yourself down over this: there's a world of pricks out there who'll happily do that for you gratis. Life certainly doesn't come with a manual, but listen to others and consider how the girl is feeling.. apart from psychopaths, we all have the ability to emotionally model how others feel and that coupled with circumspection are the skills you need to apply now. Z

[Taryn Tailz]

I'm struggling right now with regards to thinking how to make first contact again, though like I said it most likely wouldn't be today anyway.

Obviously I have no idea what is happening right now, but even though I want to get in touch asap I don't want to seem too pushy or like I'm forcing my way into the situation.

[ZenArcade]

Well send her a short text: keep it to the very basics ie how is she; how you are thinking of her; and how you are there for her, if she needs to talk. Keep it short, supportive and most importantly non judgemental. At all times remain aware that she has alot on her plate at the moment interms of her emotional and physical feelings. You really can do no more than this, as it is then entirely down to her as and when she chooses to reply. Z

[Taryn Tailz]

Well send her a short text: keep it to the very basics ie how is she; how you are thinking of her; and how you are there for her, if she needs to talk. Keep it short, supportive and most importantly non judgemental. At all times remain aware that she has alot on her plate at the moment interms of her emotional and physical feelings. You really can do no more than this, as it is then entirely down to her as and when she chooses to reply. Z

Thanks Zen. I shall take your advice on board and send a short message to her tomorrow, unless I hear from her in the meantime of course. I would always have been non judgemental as I apportion her no blame whatsoever, but it is a case of being supportive without appearing intrusive.

[ZenArcade]

Good man Tim. Z

[Taryn Tailz]

Well she sent me a brief message tonight and said that she is scared of making the wrong choice and having to live with it. I feel so selfish and horrible because I'm terrified that she might keep it.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Jesus. Hope things work out ok in the end.  I won't pretend I have any notion of what the best thing to do is,  so I'll just say I'm sorry you both have to go through this.