SHUT THE FUCK UP

[Tiplodocus]

The main cinemas I frequent are KILMARNOCK ODEON and the IMAX at the Glasgow Science Centre.

And I certainly don't seem to have a frequent problem with noisy people; most shut up when the trailers start (it's OK to talk through the ads) and are quiet and well behaved throughout.

Admittedly, this does tend to be on family outings so the audience does have a lot of youngsteres in it so maybe it is just teenagers and rude eldsters that are the problem.

[Tweak72]

[Mikey]

Good man - sometimes there's nothing else for it. My last cinema experience was frustrated by a fucken slack jawed gawker who kept drumming his feet two rows behind and to my left. I tried to get his attention by turning round and asking him to stop - blank look, looks beind himself in a 'where's that sound coming from?' way - so I threw a 1p at him and said 'YES YOU! FUCKIN STOP IT!'.He got the message. The sight of his shock at the penny bouncing off his head was excellent though - I pissed meself laughing afterwards!


I think it's the advent of home cinema systems, high quality film formats at home etc - people don't really consider the cinema to be a unique or ideal way to see a film as it's just really a big TV they as yet can't get in the house.

Eating in the auditorium should be banned for definate. Most people only eat because it's what you're supposed to do rather than any desire for snacks 


M.

[Eric Plumrose]

I'm not sure why you need to be polite about it - the rules usually flash up on the screen before every film, and turning off your phone and not speaking during the movie are up there.

There are two cinemas both less than a ten minute walk from Mrs. Souster's B&B but, since I've been in possession of a Cineworld Unlimited card, Showcase no longer has my custom. The latter, however, does at least address cinema-goers directly with an onscreen policy; unlike those bastard Orange ads Cineworld uses which say only to switch off your mobile, doing so only then as a sodding afterthought.

Truth is, I rarely am polite these days when it comes to asking people to be quiet. The aggressive sweariness I often resort to is something I'm really not proud of and it's the main reason why Mrs. Souster finds the cinema experience with me something of a stress, tempted as she is by THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS now she's on half-term.

[Mike Gloady]

As annoying as all this is, I'm MORE annoyed by kids on busses.  Particularly ones who stand on the staircase (inviting horrible injury should the driver brake suddenly *hope*) which always elicit a gruff but polite "you're going to have to move" from me.  As if they think I can somehow SLIP past them - I know I'm hot, but this is just taking my desireability to new and unwelcome extremes.  This is even more annoying when there are seats.

I find being polite but loud to be the best way to get someone to cooperate in cinemas.  At least the first time you have to ask them.  Then I stick with the loud part and ditch the polite bit.  Never fails.

[Hoagy]

Arse holes need to be penetrated.

...by one of their own limbs.

Does anyone ever do the SHUT THE FUCK UP cough? A pretend cough at the precise moment laced with afore mentioned words. Its subtle in a non subtle way and brings in the meeker group to loom around the lawbreakers. It's good when it works. But I agree with the sentiments of people's personal touch.

[Hoagy]

And kids trying out their X-Factor cred on the back of buses with abysmal songs on their mobile phones now have a new section in Hell, inspired by them.

[Mike Carroll]

Just got back from lunch with a friend at the local hotel. All was going well until a family of four sat nearby, took out a laptop and proceeded to watch an episode of The Simpsons at a very loud volume. I twice had to ask them to turn it down. The first time they looked as me as though I was the one being rude!

Apparently, these people live locally and do this all the time. It's bad enough when your lunch is disturbed by some dipstick's mobile phone going off in that special mode where everyone but the owner can hear it, but an episode of The Simpsons? I dunno... Perhaps these people come from a different universe where that stupid show isn't on all the bloody time.

-- Mike

[Eric Plumrose]

I find being polite but loud to be the best way to get someone to cooperate in cinemas.  At least the first time you have to ask them.  Then I stick with the loud part and ditch the polite bit.  Never fails.

Over the years, I've gone from being quietly polite, through polite but loud, to SHUT THE FUCK UP. That's only one stage away from dispensing summary executions. I've simply been worn down by what started as an occasional annoyance to something that now happens every drokking time I go to the cinema.

Grrrrr.

[Peter Wolf]

I gave up going to the cinema mostly for this reason and i dont recall any particular situation where i had to tell someone to /STFU but it has happened and i always remember how they look at me as if i am in the wrong but they know better than to argue and not do what i say because they know i mean business but if adults insist on behaving like idiots then they will be treated like it.

[TheEdge]

Yeah, the cinema pisses me off 'cos of all that crap. There is always some giant blocking my view, some prickfuck talking, some moron rustling popcorn or bag of sweets or some idiot pressing their foot against the back of my chair. And what really riles me is when jerkovs shut up during the action scenes and then natter during the 'boring' talky sequences.

Dont blame us GIANTS for the cinema seats, we cant control that.

I LOVE PARTY POPPERS in the Cinema, creep up behind the offensive troglodyte and let one off in his ear, thatll shut them up.

I had a proper issue a few weeks ago in the cinema where 3 young Asian Ladies ( who didnt speak english ) were obviously massive fans of the Leading male, and any scene he was not in they would chat or phone their friends. when i asked the USHER to do something about it he just shrugged......

[wild-seven]

I've endured a man explaining the plot to an exceptionally dumb film AS IT HAPPENED to his increasingly exasperated ladyfriend. She sighed, shifted in her seat and generally looked pissed off, can't say I blamed her. The film was 'The Phantom Menace' - I'm sorry, forgive me?

[Roger Godpleton]

Just got back from Fantastic Mr Fox which was full of kids but they were all well behaved.

[Colin YNWA]

Dont blame us GIANTS for the cinema seats, we cant control that.

Yeah thats like the guilt you're meant to feel for being tall (heck I'm only 6ft so I'm not even that tall but I get this) at gigs and still wanting to stand near the front so you get a good view.

[Eric Plumrose]

Just got back from Fantastic Mr Fox which was full of kids but they were all well behaved.

On the whole, kids are usually more appreciative of the cinema experience than adults. With the exception of TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN, non-adults tend to react at all the right moments, settle down, then react once more when something else happens. JUST HOW IT SHOULD BE. Even the pre-teen and his older chum that sneaked in during CIRQUE DU FREAKS: THE VAMPIRE'S ASSISTANT seemed to genuinely enjoy the film (me only having to ask them to be quiet when they started arsing about with their ring tones).