Are you bored?...Then lets set a record!!!

[Queen Firey-Bou]

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was
on, but it was moving very fast.

[Queen Firey-Bou]

Newton:
1) Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest.  Chickens in motion tend to
   cross the road.
2) It was pushed on the road.
3) It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from
   the road.
4) It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road.

[Queen Firey-Bou]

Wolfgang Pauli:  There already was a chicken on this side of the road.

[Queen Firey-Bou]

Volt
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: The other side had more potential

[Dounreay]

It's good to see some physics jokes. An entirely neglected comic genre. Here's another.

Two neutrons are walking down the road and bump into each other.

"Oi!" says one "You just knocked a bit off me."

"Are you sure ?" says the other.

"Yeah, I'm positive" says the first.

[Dounreay]

Jungle Joke

A big game hunter is walking through the jungle. He steps into a clearing and see's a huge bull elephant lying stone dead. On top of it sits a lone pygmy, looking mighty pleased with himself.

"Did you kill that elephant, then?" asks the hunter.

"Aye" says the pygmy, "That I did."

"Stroll about a bit!" says the hunter "What did you kill it with."

"Oh, I killed it with my club" says the pygmy.

"Christ Almighty" says the hunter "What size of club is it."

"Well there's about forty of us in it now" says the pygmy.  

[Dounreay]

Q. Why do men come so quickly?

A. Because they can't wait to get down the pub to tell their mates about it.

[Dounreay]

Light Bulbs and Banjo Players

These are old uns but I love em.

Q. How many  folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Five. One to change the bulb and four to sing about how good the old one was.


Q. Why does it take three women with PMT to change a light bulb?

A. BECAUSE IT JUST FUCKING DOES - OK!

Q. How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

A. About twenty five. One for the bulb and the rest to experience it, man.

Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who can play the banjo but doesn't.

Q. What's the difference between a dead hedgehog and a dead banjo player lying in the road.

A. There's probably skid marks in front of the hedgehog.    



 

[Dounreay]

And Finally Tonight, An Insight Into the Mind of the Beer Drinker

Two blokes in a life boat. Mid-ocean, no food, no water. The end cannot be far away. The bloke in front hears something hit the side of the boat. He looks over and see's a bottle. Thinking it might be something to drink, he fishes it out and opens it. Out pops a genie.

"Thanks lads" says the genie "I've been stuck in there for centuries. Since you let me out I'll grant you a wish."

" Hang on" says the bloke in front "Shouldn't that be three wishes."

"Nah, that three wishes stuff is all pish. One's all you get" says the genie.

The bloke in the back of the boat pipes up. "I wish the sea was made out of beer." he says.

"Done!" says the genie and vanishes.

Instantly the sea is transformed into the finest creamy ale you can imagine.

The bloke in the front of the boat turns to the other and says "You stupid bastard. Now we'll have to piss in the boat."

[Queen Firey-Bou]

What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan !

boomboom

[Queen Firey-Bou]

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !

[Queen Firey-Bou]

What did the eskimos sing when they got there Christmas dinner ?
"Whalemeat again, don't know where, don't know when " !

[Queen Firey-Bou]

!What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ?
My pop is bigger than yours !

[Queen Firey-Bou]

Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
The turkey - he's always stuffed !

[Queen Firey-Bou]

What bird has wings but cannot fly ?
Roast turkey !