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[DavidXBrunt]

Tu-Plang - Thargs Dragon Tales.

[Capt.Zeep]

Now that I'm sober, and since some people seem to be taking this seriously & coming up with good ideas, I shall have another attempt at a Bad Co. tale.  Watch this space...

[petemaskreplica]

11.30 Pete crawls out from his pit. ugh, wht happened? where am I? who am I?

12.00 having established his identity, Pete crawls to kitchen for solpedine, tea and a bacn sandwich.

12.10 mmmm... bacon...

11.20 turns on pc.
12.23 downloads camera files, confronted with photographic evidence of weekend shennanigans. Aieeee!!
12.24 logs onto 2K site, such nice friendly people there, a nice safe haven from the hideous squalid nature of reality.
12.25 notes some people have got this week's prog already. No sign of it here. bastards.
12.26 reads Snow/Tiger thread. Aieeeeeee!
12.30 Discovers has been assigned to rewrite Return to Armageddon. Eek!
12.31 realises has never read Return To Armageddon.
12.31&1/2 realises has no scripting ability. double eek!
12.32 stares blankly at screen.
1.15 decides to look at prog covers as a distraction.
2.00 a-ha! 2 covers with RTA on! hmmm... freak that won't die... devily type monsters... blonde fighty bloke... slightly useless looking woman... surely I can do something with this?
2.30 still staring blankly at screen, devoid of inspiration.
2.40 gets out "Mark Millar's bumper book of rewriting old strips"
3.10 Ha! ready.

RETURN TO RETURN TO ARMAGEDDON

ep.1 Blonde fighty bloke suspects evil is afoot. no-one believes him. freak that wouldn't die appears for no very good reason, accompanied by devily type monsters. Aieee!

ep.2-36 Blonde bloke and freak/ devils slug it out for no very good reason, to no real effect. Woman stands around in the background being superfluous.

ep.37 Big nuclear bomb dropped on all. Everyone dies except Blonde bloke, who emerges without a scratch.

epilogue: woman has somehow escaped too. shagging ensues. brief suggestion that freak hasn't died after all, and the dullness will continue for ever. The End.

Will this do?

[Bolt-01]

Are you sure you never read return to Armageddon?

That was very close to what I remember being the real script.

Rotts

[Leigh S]

My God, only 15 minutes to Tuesday.....

Have this Ezquerra emoticon to tide you over for the time being...



:C

[Leigh S]

And just to distract DXB....


"Look - a smoking monkey in a hat!"



{|:Q

[Slippery PD]

Slaine

Page 1 Panel 1
Slaine and Ukko were standing just outside the eternal fotress.  In front of them were Myrridon and Nest, behind them a small dragon called Black Talon
Myrridon - Slaine, Im sorry to pull you back so soon after the funeral of your wife.  But I have a mission of great urgency.
Nest - We are sorry about your grief, Slaine.
Black Talon - Raaaaaaarrrrrrgh.

Page 1 Panel 2  
Slaine and Ukko on the back of Black Talon, with the eternal fotress disapearing into the background.  
"Myrridon and Nest had explained.  Elfric could return, a spell by the new Slough, Mills.  Is being prepared.  If successful he will ressurect the Dev - El."

Page 1 Panel 3
A recap of the Battle of Clonargh (sp?) Including Slaine's defeat of Elfric.
"Slaine had defeated the Dev-El at Clonargh and on his own territory in the El-worlds, the powerful Dev-El was believed killed.  He was dead, but Slough Mills was going to ressurect him.  Slaine had to stop him."

Page 1 Panel 4
Slaine and Ukko land in the El-world close to the some light-els.  Slaine holster his Ley-ser and Slings Brainbiter over his shoulder, Ukko stands beside him.
Ukko - Why is it always us Slaine?  Myrridon must hate us.  

Page 1 Panel 5
Slaine clips ukko round the ear.
Ukko - Ouch!  
Slaine - Royal parasites should be seen and not heard, unless of course its tell not show.

Page 1 Panel 6
They approach a ceromony.  In the centre of a group of Dev-Els is a taller verson of Slough feg, it the Slough Mills, chanting a Mantra.
Dev-Els - Writers, No Rewrite, Writers, No Rewrite, Writers, No Rewrite, Writers, No Rewrite, Writers, No Rewrite, Writers, No Rewrite......
Slough Mills - Eye of toad, Tongue of snake, by the power of the evil power of former editors arise, Elfric, Arise.....

Page 2 Panel 1
Elfric has arisen.  Elfric is being touched by the Dev-els in the ceromony, the Dev-els are all women, naked (private parts hidden).
Elfric looks beyond the ridge.
Elfric - Slaine he is out there, close.

Page 2 Panel 2
Slaine uses the Leyser to take out the Dev-els.  Elfric avoids the blasts.

Elfric - Its slaine, Slough he has come to kill me.
Slough Mills - Kill Him!!  Kill Him!!  

Page 2 Panel 3
He stands in the natural bowl where the ceromony had taken place all the Dev-els are now dead, only he and Slough Mills are left.  Slaine begins his warp spasm.

Ukko - That it slaine, you Warp spasm, it makes you as strong as ten men and is linked to ancient animal spirits.  Or something like that Nest told me anyway.


Page 2 Panel 4
Slaine leaps into the bowl. Attacking Elfric mid flight with Brain biter!!!

Ukko - Slaine nice Salmon Leap, thats a feat of the red branch one of the tribes of the sessair!!!

Page 2 Panel 5
Slaine chops of elfrics head.  

Slough Mills - No you abonimation, you Diggle!!!

Page 2 Panel 6
Slaine walks up to slough mills and kills the Slough with one chop of Brainbiter.

Slaine - and so the Slough dies, quickly.  He is an abomination, a worshiper of christ and a rewriter of others work.  Worst of all a hypocrite.  He had to die, Ukko.  I didnt think it too many!!!
Ukko - lets go home Slaine.

Page 3
A huge splash page of slaine and Ukko on the dragon flying back to the Eternal fortress, other dragons flying around them in murky earthy colours.


The End!  

[Buddy]

SOUL SISTERS!!!! Sorry I asked now.

[DavidXBrunt]

Slips, you're a genius!

[Tu-plang]

F*cking dragon tales?

[Wils]

Arggh! It's Tuesday already!

Er.....Harlem Heroes, wasn't it?

Hang on...

After *another* bus crash (due to rabid howler monkeys taking control, only to be terrible drivers), all the Heroes, with the exception of Giant become disembodied brains in jars. Due to their aeroball success (and a rather hefty insurance payout), Giant ensures every player gets transplanted into a new body, so they can carry on playing for the team.

Waking up first, Curly is surprised, and slightly mortified, to discover he is now 'Shirley', a topless go-go dancer with all the skills of a veteran aeroball ace and 6 inch nipple tassles. Other members awaken to discover that they too have to adopt new names such as 'Trixie' or 'Bubbles'.

The new Harlem Heroes Cabaret and Revue is an instant hit, winning every game and entertaining the crowds post match. They prove so popular (and because so many are sold pre match), Kleenex become their official sponsor, keeping the 'guys' in chocolate and black & white films for the rest of their lives. Being the only 100% male now on the team, Giant walks around with a permanent smug grin on his face, happy that he's such a dirty conniving bastard.

Sadly, not everyone is happy, as due to his constant moaning after the first crash, Giant has Louis Mayer's brain transplanted into a clone of Sandy Toksvig, and is relegated to mascot.

[DavidXBrunt]

The, erm, less fondly remembered the story the less chance there is of crashing and burning. If Mark Millar had screwed up a second series of 'Thargs Dragon Tales' (by maybe forgetting to feature any Dragons) do you think that he'd be so vilified now?

[Richmond Clements]

'The, erm, less fondly remembered the story the less chance there is of crashing and burning.'


This might be true, but would like to have a go at Kola Kommandos?

[Oddboy]

And I just typed some random names. No offence intended to anyone.


And there was I thinking I'd been chosen especially.

Now you've got me in a huff, I think I'll not write any new DR & Quinch stories, but go off & reinvent comics in America.

[DavidXBrunt]

Go on then. Do your worst on Kola Kommandoes then.